10 ThInGs I hAtE aBoUt YoU
by HawaiianCaffeine
Summary: In Konoha, there are some problems. Naruto is desparate. Ino wants Sai, or at least thinks she does. Sasuke is possessive, Sakura is angry, and Sai is slightly confused. A simple competition may lead to Sasuke's undoing and Sai's first lesson on emotions
1. Prologue

**10 Things I HATE About YOU**

_**Quote:**_

"_Life isn't without it's little vices. _

_And you can tell who ever came up with that quote to shove it."_

Sai was good at everything he did. It was a known fact. Being personally bred and trained for ANBU it was just a given. Tell him to do something—and it was probably already done. That being said—it was _also_ a known fact that, _that_ 'everything'… didn't include emotions or social interaction.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that Sai didn't ever _try_ to 'mingle' or experience a type of emotion… on the contrary, he tried and studied _hard_ to become better. Or at the very least to just have emotions. But as we all know, emotions don't just POP! out of nowhere, like daises. They are slowly pushed through by circumstances and experience. Of which Sai just didn't have because of his 'oh-so-great' training. But just like the phrase from earlier about 'everything'—_everyone_ just so happened to _not_ include Sai. So all his attempts failed in his ignorance.

Indeed, Sai was beginning to wonder if some people just didn't have feelings. Maybe they weren't born with—but learned. Or maybe even if you _were_ born with them, if they—like Sai—were suppressed to the point of non-existence, maybe they just would or could never come back.

But that's what I love about life. Sometimes it has a way with fixing things to the way they should be. Maybe all Sai needed was a little helping hand to dig him out of the hole that his ANBU trainer had dug him into.

Heh… but that didn't mean that it was going to be easy though and just like it is easy to gain weight, than to lose it—it was easy for Sai to lose his emotions and it would be sheer _hell_ for him to get it back. But who says life isn't without it's little quarks?

* * *

"Hag, why are you so ugly?"

**Twitch**

"Ugly, do girls normally have such small breasts?"

**TwitchTwitch**

"Say, Ugly? I know you have a masculine body, but your legs seem abnormally shaped today…"

**TwitchTwitchTwitch**

"You know, for such a manly body, you sure do look like a skinny ostrich in that ugly color. Do people normally wear colors that make them look like that clammy death pale, or is it just your preference, Hag? Although with all those wrinkles, one would hardly notice the horrible complexion of your skin—"

No more twitching. Just the sweet, sweet relief of feeling the bones crack like a chain reaction in that damned pale-skinned, fake smiling, face. Calmness spread through her like electricity.

* * *

"—But Neji—"

"I said, No, Naruto."

"—Come on, PPLLEEAASSEE—"

"You are NOT dating my cousin."

"But—but—"

Neji rubbed the bridge of his nose. They had been over this a ten times now and he just wouldn't STOP.

"No."

"Pl—"

"No."

"I could—"

"No."

"Bu—"

"No."

"Hina—"

"No."

"AARRRGGG!!"

"Still no."

Naruto refused to give up. If Naruto was good at anything, it was being an annoying stubborn thorn in someone's side. He would burn Neji down if he had to. It had taken him forever to finally realize his feelings for Hinata and the feelings Hinata had for him. He was not about to give up without a fight. Truth be told he probably didn't know how. That was just Naruto's way. Which was mostly admirable. Except to Neji. Except right now.

"What if I—"

"No."

* * *

**SIX HOURS LATER**

"But NEJI—"

Six freaking hours. SIX FREAKING HOURS. One more time and he might end up breaking the ramen loving freak in half. He couldn't take it anymore!

"I said N—"

Neji paused as he and Naruto walked in on a pissed off pink haired kunoichi relishing the feeling of breaking a pale skinned-black haired-emotionally inept guy.

Neji shook his head. He'll never learn—wait. He had an idea—

Turning to Naruto with his supierior aura, he said with a smirk, "Alright, Naruto. You can date my cousin, Hinata."

Naruto's jaw dropped.

He got a wide grin then, "Rea—"

Neji held up a finger. "On one condition."

Naruto deflated. _**'Of course.'**_

"Yeah? Well what is it?? The next Hokage can do ANYTHING you throw at me!! It'll be like—training!"

Neji's eyebrow went up.

"You will be able to date Hinata when—"

"—Yeah? Yeah!? **YEAH!?**"

"—When Sai kisses Sakura, and _doesn't_ push him away. Or beat him to a pulp."

Naruto felt himself die a little inside as he turned to look at what now seemed a horrific scene considering the fact that Sakura just beat Sai up so bad that he was now unconscious—on the floor—blood everywhere. Smiling satisfactorily, Sakura turned around and walked away dusting her hands.

Naruto was _screwed_.

* * *

Ino watched from a distance Sai get back up as if nothing had happened once Sakura was gone after having beaten him up.

It was stupid and childish—but Ino felt her childhood competition rising up in her again—this time with Sai.

Weird yeah? Sai was always the one calling her beautiful and being nice to her, while Sakura was always the one called, Hag, and many other insults. But something just didn't seem right.

Ino had the "fan girl" crush on Sai, but Sakura was always the one he was around, no matter how many times she kicked his ass. It wasn't reasonable, but it seemed like they were getting closer, while she was getting pushed out the picture—again! Why was it Sakura who always got the cute teammates and friends?

Furrowing her brow, Ino walked away to the flower shop to take her mind off of the problem at hand.

While in her thinking bubble, she accidentally crashed into an unknown object. Bouncing back, she fell on her butt.

Blinking, Ino looked up to see a guy in a hoody with a painted face.

"Ino?"

**BlinkBlink**

"Erm—uh—uh—"

Getting the hint, he said, "Kankuro. Temari and Gaara's brother."

The epiphany of, 'OHH' came over her face, as well as a blush for having forgotten his name.

"Uh—Hi! Sorry for…"

"Yeah, no problem." With a grunt he helped Ino up off the ground.

"You okay?"

Ino blinked again. She felt like she was in a daze, still trying to get back from her thinking bubble on Mars.

"Yeah, fine. I'll just go—"

"Is something wrong—you seem kinda out of it…"

Ino realized that it must seem kind of obvious that there was something wrong with her as she was normally so loud and confident and ready for a quip at anytime. Now—she just seemed dazed.

"Yeah, fine!! Why wouldn't I be??" Ino said upbeat; now back to her old self—trying to cover up for her past mistake.

"Alright then…"

Kankuro was going to turn and walk away, when Ino said, "We—wait. I guess there is something."

At first—she wasn't going to say anything. Didn't have any intention to. But then she thought he might have an idea to help fix her problem…

Kankuro turned back.

"Well, I have this problem. I like this guy and I think he likes another girl… what should I do?"

Taken aback that she was asking him for advice he said with a perverted grin, "And who is this guy you like?"

For the first time in Ino's life she blushed when she told him the guy she liked. Normally she would scream it to the world because she really just didn't care who knew. She still didn't really… but saying it to him, she just seemed foolish—like it was just some schoolgirl crush. Like his opinion mattered about who she liked and didn't like.

"Sai."

Kankuro snorted. "Why?"

Getting back her confident courage that seemed to have abandoned her a minute ago, Ino stood up straight and said in the most proud and indignant voice, "Because he nice and cute and sweet and smart and—"

Kankuro batted his lashes as he said in a mock voice, "And oh-so-dreamy!"

Ino's draw dropped as she pointed her finger at him, "Now you see here—"

Laughing he held up his hands, "Alright, alright, I got it. Awesome dude. Do you want advice or not?"

Grumbling, Ino mumbled that she did.

After a moment of thinking, Kankuro finally said, "Well… why don't you just remove the object of his affection?"

"…huh? Are you implying I get rid of Sakura?" Ino said confused and angry.

Kankuro laughed again, "No, I mean, why don't you just make it so that Sai _can't_ have her because she's already _taken_. Catch my drift?"

"Yes and no. I understand… but how am I suppose to do that?"

"It's simple. Hire someone to date her."

The simplicity of it all shocked Ino. Why hadn't she come up with that earlier? Her friend'll be happy (sort of), she'll be happy, EVERYONE'll be happy. Perfect.

"That's a great idea!! But who'll do it…"

Ino batted her lashes at him but he waved his hands back and forth saying, "Oh, no, no, no. You've got to find someone else for that job. I ain't doing it. No matter how much you pay me. Besides, she wouldn't go for me."

Ino sighed.

"Alright, then who—?"

It was at this moment that a curtain black haired Sharingon user entered the picture farther down the road.

"Maybe she wouldn't go for you—but I think I know someone else…"

Ino's eyes got bright as she flashed a smile at Kankuro in a 'thank you and then walked confidently up to Sasuke.

Kankuro shook his head. This probably wouldn't end well—but whatever. It wasn't his problem.

* * *

"Hey, Sai! Wait up!!"

Sai paused as he turned around and waited for him to catch up.

"What is it, Dickless?"

Naruto held back from starting a fight and instead said, "Well—I was wondering if you could help me out for something…" Naruto rubbed the back of his head as he smiled widely and nervously.

"What is it that your small brain needs help with?"

"… Uh… you see…"

"Is it possible that you have lost so many brain cells that you are unable to speak correctly?"

Naruto sighed, "Well, you know I've been wanting to date Hinata-chan for a while now right?"

"So?"

"Well, the Hyuuga said I could—but on one condition… that you and Sakura-chan kiss and that she likes it and doesn't kill you for it….hehe."

Sai remained impassive as he said, "Well, Dickless. I really don't see why not—"

"Really, Sai!!"

"—Although, why ANY girl would want someone who's penis is the size of an ant and hair that is such a 'rats nest' that you could poke somebody's eyes out, is beyond my comprehension."

"—Hey, my hair is perfectly fine, thank y—"

"—I'm not sure how much this will benefit me, but supposedly kissing brings two people together and closer in terms of relationships—as I've read, as well as helping out friends in need. I guess this will make us a better team in the long run and will further my study of bonds and relationships. I think I'll take up your offer, Naruto-kun."

Naruto decided not to point out that kissing was a bit farther than a friendly relationship. It probably would just make him re-think helping him out. Besides—it would really probably help him out in getting emotions! Everybody wins!!

"I hope that Ugly's breath isn't has bad as her body odor…"

Well… almost everybody.

* * *

"So let me get this straight, Yamanaka. You want me to go out with Sakura so that you can get Sai. Is that it?"

Ino nodded.

"Sorry. I don't take orders."

"—Wait! I could pay you!"

Sasuke raised his eyebrow.

Ino turned red. Of course he wouldn't care about money. He was Sasuke Uchiha. Friggin filthy rich bastard. Forgot.

"—And—Come on. You know that you've been wondering about if Sakura still feels the same about you. I know that she hasn't been all over you since you've been back after killing Orochimaru."

Well, THAT was true. But Sasuke was just to proud to admit that he wanted Sakura and little Uchiha babies before he ran off to kill Itachi and probably kill himself while doing it. He had been trying to figure out how to bring that up… no he didn't love her, but that didn't mean he still didn't have a goal to accomplish. He just had to much hate to love at the moment. He couldn't _afford_ love. He didn't care about it and didn't believe in it. Never would he supposed.

But Sasuke still answered, "No." He figured he'd come up with his own way to do it.

Ino, with an idea, turned around to walk away and said in a sorrowful voice, "That's alright. I figured you couldn't do it anyway. Sakura was really broken hearted when you left like that. Probably wouldn't take you back even if you begged—"

Sasuke flipped her around and angrily said, "Uchiha Sasuke does not _beg_. And could still easily get Sakura without a thought."

"No, no—it's all right. I understand. Sakura's just too far-gone now. Besides, I'm sure Sai and her will be great together. You don't have to try and defend—"

"I'll do it."

And with that, Sasuke disappeared in a whirl of leaves. He never backed down from a challenge. That—and while he didn't love Sakura, didn't mean he wasn't possessive and wanted her with anyone _else _other than him. She would only be with him.

Ino whistled while walking away. Oh she was so _good_.

* * *

Sakura sighed content as she drank her relaxing tea.

So relaxed…

**KNOCK KNOCK**

Sighing, Sakura got up and answered her door. Little did she know that the calmness that she had been previously experiencing would be the last time for a good long while before she ever had it again.

"Ugly, your bones are sticking out most horrishly and I was wondering if I could have your unpleasant company to get some nasty garbage that Dickless calls Ramen."

Naruto's jaw came unhinged as he heard what must have been the worst way in the world to get anyone, especially SAKURA, to go on a date. Naruto hid further into the bush that he was currently occupying at the moment. He cringed as Sakura rolled up her sleeves.

Naruto anime cried as she beat Sai to a pulp once again and then dumped his remains a foot away from her porch. At this rate he would never be able to get Hinata-chan!! Sai would need some help…

* * *

Sakura angrily slammed her door after kicking Sai's ass. How dare he?!

With a frustrated growl she went back to drink her tea, only to find that as she held it—it smashed into a million pieces in her hand. The day that she went out with Sai would be the day that Chouji went on a weight losing diet.

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Sakura stared at her door. Now she _could_ open it. Or she could just let who-ever it is just suffer. Yeah, just let the bastard suffer.

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Sakura glared at the door as she took a sip from some more tea that popped out of nowhere.

**KNOCK KNOCK—DINGDONG DINGDONG DINGDONG DING—**

"FINE!"

With a huff, Sakura got up and answered the door, just to find—

"Sasuke?"

* * *

"Sasuke?"

Ino's eyes got to the size of saucer plates while spying on them from the bush as his name was hardly out her mouth that she had slammed the door in on his face.

Did Sakura Haruno just slam the door in the face of Sasuke Uchiha? The Sasuke Uchiha?? THE Uchiha Sasuke?!?! HAD THE WORLD GONE BONKERS?

Apparently it had. As Sasuke stood there impassive outside, but bewildered inside, with the door shut in his face and no Sakura to speak or hear off.

This was going to be a bit of a problem. Looks like she'll have to help him.

If this was any sign of what was to come, it sure wasn't a good one. For either side.

Now let the games begin.

_**Quote:**_

"_Life isn't without it's little vices. _

_And you can tell who ever came up with that quote to shove it."_

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_I cannot believe I'm doing another story already. I'm even more nervous of this story than any one that I've ever done before. It's just that—Sai is just such a hard character to use in a pairing. Plus at least before I had an idea of what exactly I was going to do… and well… I sort of do—and sort of don't. I guess I'll figure it out if it turns out you guys like this story as well. It's going to be sort of…a competition between Sai and Sasuke I guess you could say._

_Please read and review. Thank you so much. Give me CONTRUCTIVE criticism and we'll all be happy. Ideas will be even better… but I'm sure I'll come up with something. This'll also be a comedy of course._

_**Pairings:**_

_SaiSakura_

_NarutoHinata_

_KankuroIno_

_And other small ones._

_Rock on and payce out_


	2. I Hate the Way You Talk

**10 Things I HATE About YOU**

_I hate the way you talk_

_**Quote:**_

"_Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, _

_but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."_

-?

Naruto handed over a half sheet of paper to Sai, the next day.

"Alright, now you just read what I wrote and everything should turn out GREAT! Believe it."

Sai looked curiously down at the small paper.

"Dickless, what does—"

"No time for insults, Sai! Now go—!"

Naruto pushed Sai at the door and knocked for him, before jumping in the bush on the right in front of Sakura's house.

Sakura opened the door and gave a heavy sigh.

"Yes, Sai?"

Sai looked intently down at the paper.

"I am—sorry for… for yesterday and would appre—appreciate it if I could take you to—hey, Dickless, what is this word?? Your writing is worse than your grade point average."

Naruto wrote on another sheet of paper and threw its crumpled form at Sai from the bush.

Sai read the big block letters. "—Oh. I would appreciate it if I could take you to Ichiraku."

Sai looked up and gave one of his infamous fake smiles to Sakura.

Grinding her foot into the ground, she slammed the door in his face—again.

_Sigh_, this might take more work than originally planned…

* * *

"Okay, Sasuke. Just do as I say and everything should—" 

Sasuke ignored Ino as he rang her doorbell.

A tired Sakura answered the door. She was about to shut the door in his face (again) when Sasuke put his foot out, forcing her to hear him out.

**_'What did Yamanaka said to say again… sorry for ripping your heart out, go to lunch with me?? Fuck it. I'll do it my own way…'_**

"You're going to lunch with me."

Sakura smiled widely before forcefully shutting the door on Sasuke—foot or no foot.

It was that day that Sasuke decided that he would never leave his foot in a doorway that was anywhere near Sakura… he would need to go to the hospital later…

Ino let her head fall into her hands. _**'Stupid, stupid, stupid…'**_

* * *

"Alright, Sasuke. What you need to get Sakura to go out—well—at least talk to you again is chocolates! No girl doesn't like chocolates! Especially Sakura—so buy some and lets go." 

Sasuke grunted as he went into the chocolate shop and grabbed a square shaped box with different kinds of chocolates.

Ino looked at him questioningly and uncertainly.

"Why didn't you just get the one that was heart shaped? That probably would have been bett—"

"I do not buy heart shaped things."

… Right.

Ino shook her head as they went back to Sakura's house. She had a bad feeling about this…

* * *

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Sakura sighed once again. Maybe she should just move?? Naw… maybe get a doorman. That way HE could just send the dumb-asses away and she could finally get a peaceful afternoon.

With effort Sakura got up and opened the door.

"Sakur—"

**GRAB**

**SLAM**

Sasuke stood there blinking. Did she just steal his/her chocolates? And then slam the door in his face?? Again?!?!

This was just going to have to stop… no more Mister Nice Guy.

* * *

"So what now, Dickless? I didn't expect your last plan to work anyway because of your peanut sized brain, but I did not think it would have done as bad as it did." 

Naruto glared at him before dragging him down the road into a flower shop.

Walking in they saw Ino's mom at the cash register.

"And what can I get for you two boys today?"

"Get Sakura-chan some flowers. It's the best way to ask someone out on a date. Hinata-chan FEINTED when I got her some. Besides—Sakura-chan loves Sunflowers—Hey!!"

**CHE-CHING!!**

While Naruto was saying all this, Sai had already picked out a different bouquet of 'flowers' and paid for it.

"Hey—what are—"

"It's Dandelions."

Following Sai out of the shop, Naruto asked, "—Why?"

Sai gave a fake smile as they made their way back to Sakura's house.

Sai wrung the doorbell.

No answer.

Again…

No answer.

Sai did it about sixteen more times before he got the picture. Sakura wasn't there.

Now where could she be…?

Sai turned around to Naruto.

"Where does Sakura work again?"

* * *

Sakura could feel an immense headache coming on as she sat there in her living room just waiting for the doorbell to wring again. Fuck this. She'd rather be at work than be stuck having to deal with those two _men_. 

Sakura sighed in relief as she exited her house—locked the door, and went to work. Might as well catch up on some work she'd been putting off…

* * *

Sai walked up to the front desk and asked where Hag—Haruno Sakura was at present time. 

"Room 313—but Sakura's busy with a patient right now… so I really think you should wait."

Sai nodded with a fake smile and sat down with his 'flowers'.

* * *

A few minutes of thinking passed by and Sasuke's frustrations growing ever more—frustrating, he decided to take matters into his own hands. She didn't want to come outside and talk with him? Then fine. He'd come inside to talk to her. 

Sasuke idly thought of how lucky it was that he liked wearing dark colours all the time as he jimmied Sakura's window open.

"Sasuke, what the hell are you doing? Sakura's going to kill—"

"Be quiet. I'm doing things my way now."

Was Sasuke _trying_ to piss Sakura off, or did it just come naturally??

Ino covered her head with her arms as Sasuke slipped into Sakura's home.

As soon as Sasuke put one step into Sakura's house—automatically he knew something was wrong.

Not a second had passed that he began to feel a clear powder shower down on him. Not a second after that, he realized his senses were correct.

"Damn it!! Ouch! Fuck!! Damn! SHHIIIIIT—"

Sasuke felt like his skin was on fire—every single millimeter that the powder had touch him felt like acid on his skin—although all you could see was angry red marks. No more, no less, but it still hurt like hell. Trying to get rid of the powder, Sasuke felt himself fall back into another room.

Sasuke turned around to see it was Sakura's bedroom. Wrong move.

Sasuke pressed himself to the wall to escape any more powder from falling on him, but what he didn't realize was that the walls were coated in Itch-creating Cream.

So now his skin was on fire and itched like hell.

Sasuke grunted as he got out of the room as fast as possible, now trying his damnedest to not scratch every prickly place that hurt worse than any burning powder he'd ever experienced before and itched even more. Sasuke cursed his wardrobe change since now the itching cream could get on his chest and back because—well—it was barely hanging on.

"FUCK" Sasuke scratched himself. So much for discipline.

Now had Sasuke just stayed in Sakura's room or just left—nothing worse may have happened to him. But Sasuke being—Sasuke, he refused to give up and call it quits. So it was a very sad time when Sasuke walked into the kitchen. Had Sasuke not underestimated Sakura, he might have been saved from what was about to happen.

Sasuke stayed on guard for anything that might come at him. Smoke bombs—blinding light—mace. After a few minutes, Sasuke finally stood up straight and relaxed a tad. Hopefully that had been all there was. To bad he didn't know that Sakura had made decent friends with Shino.

And so it was to the utmost displeasure and shock to Sasuke when he slowly felt a fire ten times what he had felt from the powder, crawling up his legs and closer to his—special place.

Sasuke raised his pant leg.

Fire ants. Genetically enhanced fire ants.

Holy—AHH!!

* * *

Ten minutes later and now pant-less, Sasuke laid on the ground, which practically looked like a battlefield from all the dead ants that now took up space on Sakura's kitchen floor. 

Oh God—it burns, IT BURNS! Sasuke decided that he was content to just sit there now and let the pain subside. The hell did Sakura get and learn all this crap from?

Sasuke rolled over. If he did get Sakura, he wouldn't be having any kids ANY time soon because of this. Shit, this would take forever to heal…

When the pain was to the point of bearable, Sasuke got up and checked for any more traps. There were a few, but Sasuke easily avoided them now that he was actually paying attention. He would so have to get her back for this crap…

"_Saakkuurraaa?" _Sasuke whispered going down the hallway.

"_Saakuraa?"_ He repeated.

"Sakura??" Sasuke said in his normal voice now standing up straight looking around.

He checked the bedrooms and the hallways and the kitchen.

She wasn't here. Son of a bitch.

Sasuke put his head outside the window.

"Where does Sakura work, Yamanaka?"

* * *

Sai looked surprised as he saw Sasuke go up to the front desk and ask for Sakura too. 

"Where's Sakura."

The desk clerk looked nervous.

"Well—she's in room 313, but I don't think—"

Sasuke ignored her as he marched down the hallway in search of her room.

Sai got up and stopped him before he got too far.

"Jackass, I wouldn't do that if I—"

Sasuke looked at Sai suspiciously, then after a minute he looked at him like he was going to skin him alive.

"I don't need your advice, dumb-ass. Just stay out of my way."

He continued his march down the hallways.

Sai shrugged and sat down. It was his choice.

* * *

'_**311… 312… 3… 13!!'**_ Sasuke stopped in front of the door. 

Taking in a large angry breath, Sasuke slammed open the door, just to see—

"Shit—Sasuke? Get the hell out—"

"AHHHH!!! E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E!!! CRAZY RAPIST DARK HAIRED MAN—GET OUT—GET OUT—GET OOUUUTT!! AHHHH!!"

Yes, that was her patient. Sakura's her… Gynecologist. So imagine what was going on when Sasuke walked in? If you don't know—let me give you a hint. She was checking her… erm… _special_ place. It's a woman thing.

Seeing that Sasuke was frozen in place, Sakura quickly pulled the girls skirt down—took off her gloves—shut the door in his face—again—washed her hands—told her patient to wait a minute—and then went back outside the room into the hallway to give Sasuke a good piece of her mind.

_This_ was the work she had been putting _off_ for a while, and of _course_ Sasuke had to come in right at that moment. Oh that bastard had better have some answers.

Sakura glared up at Sasuke while tapping her foot, waiting for his mouth to start spouting some decent answers—or so help her!!

"What the hell are you _doing_ here, Sasuke? You couldn't _wait_?? What's more is you interrupted my _work_? Have you lost your God damned MIND?!"

"Weh—I—" Sasuke was stuttering. Uchiha Sasuke never stutters. The hell happened? He was here to give her a piece of his mind and some how the tables were turned now. How in the hell did she do that? Forget it—he was still right and she was still wrong.

"Well—this wouldn't have happened if you'd just gone with me to lunch. Plus the burning powder and the itching—and ANTS! What the hell is your prob—"

Oh—wrong thing to say.

Sakura's eyes got enormous as anger swelled up in her.

"—Burning powder—Sasuke Uchiha!! DID YOU BREAK INTO MY HOUSE?!"

"…Hn."

"Don't 'HN' ME!! I can't BELIEVE YOU—"

"Hey, Hag, is this a bad time?"

Sakura blanched at Sai who stood there right next to Sasuke.

Sai moved his gaze to Sasuke. "Who's the dumb-ass now?"

Should she just walk back in the room and shut the door? …Pretend none of this ever happened? It would probably save her some grief…

Before she could decide though, Sai held the 'flowers' in his left hand and on his right, he intensely read what was there.

"Sakura, please come to—lunck? Oh, no—lunch wif—with me. I am—"

Sai paused in his deciphering to look up at the frustrated—and slowly becoming more and more angry—Sakura. Maybe having Naruto write it on his hand wasn't such a good idea?

Sakura tried to keep her anger under control, even though it may not have looked like it. She counted to ten and said 'FOOSSAA' a few times and slowly felt her anger ebb away.

Sai felt her aura relax a little. A good sign?

Sakura glanced and saw that Sasuke was getting more agitated as Sai stood there asking to go to lunch. Sakura smirked.

"Alright. Fine. I'll get someone to cover me here. Today was supposed to be my day off anyways."

Taking a second to tell her patient that another doctor would be in there in a minute, she turned back to Sai with a wide smile, took his arm and marched away, leaving a simmering Sasuke—non to happy to lose—non the less to Sai.

* * *

Half way to the Ramen Shop, Sai gave Sakura the bouquet of 'flowers'. 

"Why Dandelions, Sai?" Sakura finally asked, figuring the guy was really _trying_ to be nice.

Sai gave a fake smile as he pulled one Dandelion out of the bouquet.

Before he blew it Sakura pointed out, "You should wish for something not selfish. It's more likely to come true."

Sai thought for a minute and in one fell swoop, blew all the seeds off of the 'flower'.

Sakura ticked her head to the side.

"What'd you wish for?"

"For your ugliness not to crack the next mirrors that you look into. I figured that it would be a very selfless cause to wish for, considering the pile-up of funerals for mirrors that there must be."

Sai heard the crack of Sakura breaking the cement underfoot. Where Sakura was to step next—now there was a gaping hole.

"Sai?"

"Yes?"

"You can take your lunch offer—and shove it up your ass."

Sakura marched all the way home, with Sai following silently behind.

When Sakura made it to her house, Sakura grabbed the doorknob so hard that she smashed it. Then Sai felt the harshness of a tornado hit him as Sakura slammed the door in his face—after grabbing the bouquet of 'flowers' out of Sai's hand of course.

* * *

Sai knocked on the door again, making Naruto jump out of his conspicuously inconspicuous bush. 

"What are you doing? She just shut the door in your face not a second ago!! I know we don't like each other very much, but I don't want to see you _die_!"

Sai gave another fake smile and turned back to the door.

"I'm doing it my way this time, Naruto-kun."

"Shit, you did it your way the first time and look what—crap!!" Naruto jumped back down in his bush as Sakura opened the door.

"What the hell Sai? I swear I'm going to kick your ass so hard that your ancesters'll feel—"

"Come to lunch with me, Hag—"

Sai slid a glance at the 'conspicuously inconspicuous bush' and then set his gaze back on Sakura.

"—Please."

Sakura sighed as she put her body weight on the doorframe. Sakura thought about the offer. She should just tell him to go to hell again. He'd probably end up screwing up again and she would just end up back where she started—angry and tired.

Well… unlike those other times he _hadn't_ completely insulted her a million times over this time. Other than her nickname of Hag, it was decent. Besides—he had said 'please'. And _really_ _was_ trying.

"… All right, Sai. Since you said 'please'—and didn't insult me twenty times in one breath—lets go. But I swear—one more insult about how ugly I am and no one will ever be curious if you have hormones anymore because I'll have kicked your balls so hard you will no longer have to _worry_ about it."

With a smile that could be very well mistaken as a real smile from Sai, he and Sakura set out to Ichiraku.

Naruto watched the two sit down at the Ramen Shop. Things were finally going their way!

Yes… everything was going to go smoothly…

"Now that I'm seeing you closer, Ugly, I'm surprised you still have hair with all your split ends and the frizz that completely consumes your entire head. I hope you didn't pay for that haircut."

**CRACK **

Well… as smoothly as to be expected.

_**Quote:**_

"_Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, _

_but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."_

-?

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

_Yo. You won't BELIEVE how much cut and pasting I have done to this chapter. I typed up the chapter—and then realized how pathetic it was. Then I tried to fix it—and screwed it up more—then I tried to fix it again and hopefully I haven't screwed it up even more than that. I realize that this chapter really may not be that funny… but bear with me. My ideas are running low and time running short… DARN YOU HOMEWORK!! Ah well. Sorry if in the future the chapters come out slower…I just need INSPIRATION!! Darn you inspiration. Always hiding out when I need it the most. I'm sure I'll think of something… eventually…right._

_Sorry for all my typoes. I'm a typo magnet and I don't believe that'll change anytime soon. I'll just try and fix what I can when I can. And don't be afraid to tell me if this chapter is crap and to re-write it. As long as you don't say it in a flamey way, I'll understand-not take it personally, and seriously consider it. I don't want to make a cruddy chapter and no one tell me. How embarrassing would that be?? lol_

_I own nothing. Especially the characters or the movie that this is based off of._

_Please read and review, it would be much appreciated._

_Thank you for everything._

_Rock on and payce out_


	3. I Hate the Way You Drink

**10 Things I HATE About YOU**

_I hate the way you drink_

_**Quote:**_

_"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."_

-Robert Heinlein

Sakura sighed as she asked for a double. She needed it if she was going to make it through this lunch date.

"Hag, maybe you shouldn't drink so—"

"Can it, Sai. You wanted to come out on this lunch date—the least I can ask for it is a drink. It's not like I'm going to turn into Tsunade or something…"

Sai gave a fake smile. "Fair enough. But don't say I didn't warn you."

Sakura waved her hand at him, "Yeah, yeah… so… what great insult do you want to oh so graciously hand out to me now?"

Sai actually gave a confused look as he tried to understand and think of a good answer.

"I do not understand. I do not _try_ to insult people, Hag, I am merely telling the truth the way I see it. Do you _want_ me to insult you?"

Sakura laughed lightly. "Right… the truth… I guess that's what makes it worse, doesn't it?" Sakura shot back another glass.

Sai sat back on his bar stool and thought. Why would it be a worse insult if it were true? Did people normally lie when they insulted people? If people normally did, then would it hurt more in peoples emotional sense to find out it was true? Sai supposed so, if he were to go off of Sakura's actions and words.

Sai observed Sakura out of his peripheral vision and thought about all the 'insults' that he had called her. Of course there was, Hag, Ugly, then there was the ones about her manly body, her Pepto Bismal hair that he once commented looked like puke and if she needed to go see Tsunade to help her. Once he had even mentioned that she probably had a penis instead of a vigina…

Plus many, many more insults. Were they all really true? From all the books that Sai had read, then yes. It's what he based everything he said on. In reality, Sai really had no opinion of Sakura, or anyone else for that matter. He guessed was stemmed off the fact that he didn't have any emotions. Without emotions, you can have no true concept of values and without values; you can have no concept of opinion. And vise versa. From all the books that Sai had read, Sakura really _was_ ugly.

He found that, in the book world at least, that abnormal was ugly. Simple as that. Being to short or to tall is ugly. Having an odd hair colour is ugly. If a person talks too much, she is ugly. If a she has too much of an opinion or is not demure like a 'real' supposed woman is supposed to be, then she is ugly. If she exercised too much and had muscles, unlike the way a girl is supposed to be, then she was manly and in the end, ugly. If she yells or is very physical about it, she is ugly. And the list continues.

But then Sai thought about it… every girl he ever saw, met, or spoken with would have to be put on this list of ugliness. In fact, every person he ever met was flawed in some way and supposedly considered very ugly.

Well… that seemed off. Certainly _somebody_ must not be ugly _somewhere_. And the likelihood of him having never met one person that wasn't ugly was zero to none. He was have to think about this later… maybe he should ask somebody? Sakura?

He turned to take a look at Sakura and saw her on her tenth shot…

Maybe not.

* * *

Sasuke went asking around and finally found that Sakura was at a bar… with Sai. That guy may be an emotionless nutshell, but that didn't mean he wasn't a guy. He better not have done anything… 

Sasuke sped up his pace and walked into the bar. He looked around—seemed like a decent enough place. Now where was—ah there. The one beating the living daylights out of another curtain black haired ninja that happened to look a lot like him.

Sasuke surprised Sakura appearing in front of the two. Sakura smiled sheepishly as she looked at her fist poised to lay down a beating on Sai. She slowly unclenched and lowered her fist in the 'oops, I'm caught' manner.

Sai straitened up as he observed the two.

"So what did he say this time?"

"Erm—he tried to take my drink away…"

Sakura ashamedly looked at Sai. For once, he didn't deserve this beating. For once he was actually, dare she say it? Right. _Sigh_… she would have to make it up to him or something…

"Sorry, Sai." Sai nodded and gave a fake smile.

Sasuke shook his head. "Go for a walk with me."

Sakura annoyed, tapped her foot as she thought about it. Still wasn't a question… but…

Sakura looked between him and Sai.

Why not?

Sakura nodded as she grabbed her purse and jacket. "I'll see you later, Sai. We have some things to settle…"

Sakura and Sasuke walked out the door, leaving a contemplative Sai still sitting on his bar stool wondering how in the hell Sakura could still talk and walk clearly after all that alcohol.

* * *

They both silently made their way down a random trail. Neither really wanted to say anything, even though their really was a lot that needed to be said. 

"So… that was a nice date with, Sai."

"Right… _Sai_." Sasuke scowled as he said _his_ name.

Sakura sighed as she looked up and put her hands in her back pockets.

"Well, what is it that you want Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke-_kun_. Good sign…

Sasuke stopped, making Sakura turn around and stop too.

"I think you know."

Sakura gulped. _Sure_… she knew… but she had be hoping she _didn't_…

"Look, we're all still friends, but I don't want to go any further than…"

Sasuke stared. The bastard was staring. The DUDE was STARING. At HER. Sakura had promised herself that she wouldn't swoon like she did before when he first got on the team. Damn it, she _promised_ herself!! If only he would stop staring!! Plus, her mind was a little bit fuzzy and tipsy after all those shots was definitely _not_ helping…

Breaking eye contact, Sakura decided the best way to avoid the current situation was to keep moving… so that's what she did. As if was okay and natural, she turned and continued walking down the trail. Sasuke followed.

Thinking that she was in the clear, she started to walk faster, in hopes of getting back to civilization faster.

Then he grabbed her _wrist_. He was _touching_ her. HE was TOUCHING her now. Do not swoon. Do not, NOT swoon. DAMN YOU, do NOT SWOON. Darn you, tall, dark, and handsome guys!! Arg, why did she have to have so many shots—her mind wasn't thinking it's clearest and this would be so much easier if she hadn't—

To hell with it. She was swooning. She was so, _so_ swooning.

Sakura turned around, just as she was about to be 'swooned' into a kiss, Sakura let out a screech, as she was starring horridly behind Sasuke.

"What—"

Sasuke turned around.

A skunk. Just a friggin' skun—wait… why was it's tail up and it's butt facing them again?

Oh. Sasuke turned back around to see that Sakura had already started running. It didn't take much encouragement to follow her lead this time.

The skunk happily chased after them.

* * *

"Have we—_pant_—lost—_pant_—it??" 

Sasuke turned around to look. They had been running, transporting, and anything else imaginable, but some how, the darn thing had always somehow caught up with them.

"I think may—"

**Pause.**

"No."

The black and orange skunk easily came bouncy out of the foliage and continued after them.

"What is it?? A devil skunk?!?!"

"…Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on, maybe we can find a safe hide out…"

"…"

Nowhere was safe from the evil skunk of doom.

* * *

The Hokage Tower? 

Sakura grinned at her awesomeness.

"Here we are! I figure, the safest place would HAVE to be the Hokage Tower. I mean—it's the HOKAGE Tower. And it's a skunk. There's no way that it'll get in, or even find us. Plus, I think that Tsunade is out for a while, so we can hand out in her office for a little while—long enough to lose that darn skunk."

Sasuke mumbled, "This almost sounds like someplace Naruto would think of going…"

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Nothing."

Sakura eyed him suspiciously. They were on the same team, but she could always let his butt stay outside to get sprayed by that skunk. But—ah well. No point anyways.

Sakura sighed as she walked in the Hokage Tower with Sasuke.

They both walked in unannounced into Tsunade's office just to find—Tsunade.

"Yes, Sakura?" Tsunade said, quickly hiding her bottle of Sake that she had been previously trying to hoard.

Sasuke sat back, indicating that Sakura was going to explain. Sending a glare his way, Sakura nervously replied, "Well—erm. We were just looking for a place to hide out from—" Could she say a skunk? Eh—

"From an annoying pest. I thought you were out… so yeah."

"Really, well I—"

**SCRITCH, SCRITCH, SCRITCH**

"What was that?"

Sakura's eyes widened at the sight of an orange and black ball using it's nails to climb it's way into the office.

"Uh—nothing!! Nothing at all!" Sakura's eyes stayed trained on the fluff ball of doom. Tsunade would kill it if she saw—!

Sasuke started to open his mouth to say something, but Sakura pinched him on the arm. Sasuke glared at her, and tried to talk again, when Sakura used her feet to kick him in the shin discreetly.

"Umph—"

"Yes, Sasuke?"

"There's a—"

Jeez! What was wrong with him! Couldn't he go along with _any_thing. She was just trying to help the poor skunk and he was just going to ruin it. Although the skunk _did_ deserve it somewhat…

Sakura cut in. "Nothing!! Just saying how dusty your shelves are! Let me go—_fix_—them!" Sakura gritted through her teeth.

She made her way, while keeping an eye on Sasuke, toward the shelf behind Tsunade that was very close to the skunk. In irritation she tried to shoo him away with her hand and mouth words to it to get out. To bad it's a SKUNK and can't understand what the hell she's saying.

Seeing the skunk getting agitated, she tried one more time.

Sakura saw it going to happen before it actually did. It was like slow motion. She tried to shoo it away—it got agitated—and did an 'about face' and pushed it's tail up all the way. The skunk waited a flash of a second, and in the time, Sakura had jumped out the window. As soon as she was out, the entire room was filled with a stench so repulsive that I really would rather not give an account of it.

Lets suffice it to say that it was ten times worse than any fart that Naruto had ever done before in his life—till now.

* * *

Naruto stood outside the bar, with his faced pressed up against the windowpane, watching the two converse. Well—Sakura was drinking, so that wasn't the best of signs… but he supposed it could have been worse, and that this was a decent step in the right direction anyways. 

Maybe Hinata and him had a hope yet!!

Then Sasuke walked in. Crap. There was a reason he called him a bastard…

Well, that's okay! The future Hokage NEVER gives up! Naruto's façade went from depressed to a wide-fox-like smile. He had a plan.

**POOF**

Naruto was now an orange and black skunk.

* * *

Now where were they…? 

Naruto turned the corner to see a swooning Sakura falling into the arms of a curtain black haired bastard.

Naruto's eyes narrowed mischievously as he appeared right behind Sasuke for Sakura to see before Sasuke turned around

With a screech, Sakura jumped back from Sasuke as he turned around to see the 'skunk'.

Perfect. Heh, _he'd_ make _sure_ that Sasuke wouldn't ever interfere with his awesome match making skills.

* * *

Naruto curled up in a ball laughing as the two ran away and into the Hokage Tower. It was almost too perfect. 

He started to climb his way up the tower, quickly. Luckily the window was open.

Naruto peaked in and saw Tsunade, Sasuke, and Sakura.

With a stumble he got in the room and saw Sakura's panicked eyes on him. Oh yes—he knew her secret, secret. Her soft spot for animals. Obviously she wouldn't say anything and try to shoo him away herself. Just a matter of time.

After a few minutes of trying to silence Sasuke and sweating profusely at the sight of him, Sakura finally gave in, and came to Naruto herself.

Deliberately he let her try and shoo him away. One more second and—YES!

Naruto straightened up, turned his butt around, and waited for a split second for Sakura to get out of the room. He caught the split second of Sasuke façade change to shock and him start to say, "Tsunade-sama behi—"

But it was too late. As Sakura was now out the room, he let it go like he never had before. Good thing he'd just had a bean spicy ramen just before coming here…

* * *

"_**SSSAAAKKKKKUUUUURRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA"**_

Sakura could literally feel all the pain that Tsunade would be putting her in, in the future and winced. Maybe she should go back to the bar…

Sakura made her way there and walked in, surprised to find that Sai was still there, and still in a contemplative state, sipping a drink.

"Sai?"

Sai jolted out of his reverie to see that Sakura was right in front of him, taking her previous seat next to him, as before.

"Yes, Hag?"

Sakura sighed as she looked around over the bar. She was really to tired to care about carefully considering her next words, and asked him, "Have a drink with me?" This day had been _way_ to tiring for her… and out of it all, Sai seemed the most normal thing—which it really odd in retrospect.

"Going to drink yourself stupid? Not that takes any effort for you."

Sakura nodded, "Yup. I'm going to need it…" Sakura's thoughts slipped to how pissed off Tsunade, Sasuke, and anyone who'd been in that building would be at her at the moment. Don't get her wrong—she never had really been a drinker. Never really cared for it… but at the moment she was willing to make an exception.

Sai was surprised how easily Sakura brushed off his insult…she must still be a bit tipsy from before…

And so—they sat… and drank.

* * *

**THREE SHOT GLASSES LATER**

"I really think you should—"

"Shut UP, Sai."

**FIVE SHOT GLASSES AFTER THAT**

"Hag, I know you do not want to listen to me but—"

"Sai, if I wanted your advice, I would have asked for it."

**TWELVE SHOT GALSSES AFTER _THAT_**

"…Please detach yourself from my person. I'm afraid your ugliness might rub off…"

Sakura shook her head like a little kid who wasn't getting her way.

"Nu-uh! I never noticed, but yourrrrrrr-rrrrreeeally not as bad as I thhhooouuuggghhttt." Sakura had her arm around him and was clamped to him tight, with no sign of letting go.

Sai knew that there was something wrong or odd about him at the moment. For some reason, things just seemed… for lack of better words, _wrong_. Was this a feeling? He couldn't pin point it—it just seemed everywhere over him. He _felt_ out of place. Well that's new.

Maybe his continuous studies were working. At least he now knew that he had some sort of feelings—even if this was a most—awkward one.

Finally deciding that he'd had enough time to analyze this—feeling—he decided to end it.

Sai started to shrug and when necessary _forcefully push_ Sakura off of him. He knew she should have stopped…

* * *

Now was her time. The spot light was on her. All eyes were on her. The words came up on screen. The microphone held tightly in her hand and then— 

"OOPS, I did it AGAAAIINN. I played with YOUR HHEEAAARRTTT. Got LOST—"

"Hag—stop—"

"—In THE GAME!! Oh baby-BBAAAABBBYYY! OOPS you think I'm in LOOOVVVEEE!"

"Your screeching is killing all of our ears—"

"THAT I'M SENT FROM **AAABBOOOooooOOOOVVVEEEE**"

"They're going to kick us—"

"I'm NOT that **INNOOOOOCCENT**!"

**KICK**

"Thaaank youuuuu and g'night, everrrryboooody!!"

The two landed hard on their butts outside of the bar.

"Great, Hag. Just great."

* * *

The bartender only let them back in on a great bribery in which Sai paid. You're probably wondering why they would go back in? Well, lets just say that Sai couldn't handle her whiney screeching any longer than when she was horribly trying to sing drunk to Brittany Spears. That—and all their stuff were still inside the bar. 

A few customers glared, but on the promise that she would NEVER sing again, they settled down and went back to their business.

Sai saw her reach for another drink. Oh no—

Sai stopped her hand and knocked the drink out of the way. It would not do to have an alcohol poisoned team-mate. In fact, he was ready to drag her away from that bar… the problem was the fact of _her strength_. Even drunk, Sai couldn't even hope to budge Sakura from wherever she didn't want to be.

Sai idly thought about leaving and going home. Why hadn't he already, again?

Sai took a glance at Sakura, giggling as she continuously sat on, and accidentally slipped back off her seat. She seemed to be having fun with it…

Well, he really _could_, and _should_ leave her—but—

Then the uncomfortable feeling came back. He never liked or disliked anything before—till now. He seemed to dis_like_ this feeling. Two for two, he guessed. How odd—he probably would have never noticed that he was feeling—well something, because of how—natural it seemed. How odd. He was feeling something that was unnaturally natural.

Odd indeed. Were there other emotions that he had felt, that he hadn't even realized he'd done??

Sai caught Sakura before she fell off the stool again and cracked her neck and then withdrew easily back to his seat. Surely this had to be a feeling, considering he had yet to research anything on leaving friends at the bar, drunk. So all he had to go on was this—meaning it was an opinion or a feeling that he shouldn't let her alone just yet.

Well, if he couldn't get her to go home yet, he could keep an eye on her, since that's what his sense was telling him—which made some sense, book wise.

He had read a good number of books that stressed the effect on the brain of drinking to much and becoming drunk. Impaired vision. Ill-coordination. The inability to think straight. Doing odd things that, while sober, you wouldn't do. Even prey to people who would deceive them.

In his newly formed opinion, it would definitely not be good to let her do anything that would be considered out of her normal character in her normal frame of mind.

Sai took a second to glance at Sakura—which turned to a full stare. She was upside down. Standing on her hands. Balancing twenty stacked plates on each foot. On top of which there were lots of serrated knives. Right.

"Ugly, put the knives, and plates down and stand up straight. We're going home. Even your manly body cannot handle this while in your drunken state of idiocy."

Grumbling like a kid, she easily pushed all the plates on the counter and jumped up onto her feet.

"Urrr, no ffuunnn, Sai."

Not a second had passed before she started hitting on every single guy in the bar.

"Hii, urr pwrettyy…"

….

"So do you ccooommme here of'n?"

….

"Want to have a gooo?"

….

Sai then realized that he also had another feeling. Exasperation. Every time he turned around, she was doing something crazy or something he was sure that she might not do if she wasn't drunk off her ass.

Sai decided that maybe he should try and trick her to go home? He would have to if things kept this way…

He turned to see that she was playing a dart board game. With her toes. While balancing her hands on roller skates. While eating a whole box of hot-tamales.

Finally making up his mind, he removed all her crazy stunts, grappled with the darts, and threw her over his shoulder, and started his way out of the bar. This might be the opposite way of making them closer teammates, but she would have to deal with it.

He was just reaching for the door when it opened by itself—surprised him with an already struggling Sakura, making her drop down on the floor, hard, on the butt.

Sasuke walked in to see an drunk and crying Sakura, with a confused Sai who stood there looking at her and then at him.

Sakura looked up to see Sasuke. Her eyes got wide as she latched herself onto him and stopped crying as soon became excited at his arrival. Just like a little kid—Sai supposed that this was her main character whenever she became drunk.

Sasuke stiffened for a second before he realized just how _drunken_ Sakura really was.

"I'll take her home."

Sai nodded as Sasuke helped Sakura walk out of the bar.

* * *

Sakura giggled, "You smell worse than Naruto's feet." 

Sasuke looked down questioningly, "You've. Smelled. Naruto's. Feet?"

"S'a dare… urr… something… ahahaha."

Sasuke shook his head as he kept walking, still supporting Sakura.

Suddenly Sakura turned green.

"I think I'm going to be sick…"

Immediately Sasuke stopped by a tree and set her down. The last thing he needed was vomit all over him.

Sakura sighed as the dizziness slowly faded a little—although the fuzziness and blur of everything stayed.

Sasuke sighed as he sat down next to her.

"Do you hate me, Sakura?"

Sakura laughed completely free of sarcasms or anything else. Just pure enjoyment of laughing.

Putting her arm around him sloppily she said, " O'course not, Sasuke-kun. I—I—I—what was I saying again? Oh, yeah… why'd you think I hated you, Saaassuke-kun?? We're all best friends, riiigght?"

Sasuke looked down at Sakura with a raised eyebrow.

"You haven't exactly been showing that."

Sakura giggled playfully as she stood up and said in the youngest, girlish voice ever heard from an-almost-adult woman, "_Well_, of course not!! I was angwry at you. Still am too!! Really, really angry! Haha, but—but that don't mean we still aren't teammates! Plus—"

Sakura laughed.

"—It's a LOOOOTTT fun watching you get all confused and angry when you don't get your way! When we weeerrree youngerrrr, I always tried to do what you wanted, but I neevverrr realized what AWESOME fun I was missin out onn. Sowwrry, bout that—but—if you saw uuurself—!"

"…Hn."

Sasuke shook his head as he stood up and started to help her from swaying and breaking her head open.

"That's always good to kno—"

**BLAH**

Right all over his shirt.

"Thanks." Sasuke said dryly.

"No problem, Sasuke-kun."

And thus in this way did they limp their way to her house, one step at a time—occasionally letting out a few vomits on the way, of course.

* * *

They finally reached Sakura's house. 

"Thanks, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke nodded. He noticed how close they were right before parting. He was just going to leave. No harm, no foul. But, he _really_ wanted too. And as wrong as it was, he decided to unexpected lean down and kiss her right there on the lips. Despite his being smelling worse than Naruto's feet, (Naruto's butt, lolz) and despite the fact that her breath was the most horrible thing to have ever existed considering she had vomited five times, he did it.

Which, unfortunately, surprised the hell out of Sakura.

Maybe he should have re-thought the French kissing part, as when Sakura gets surprised when she's drunk she bites down. Hard.

And thus did he learn never to try and surprise kiss a drunk Sakura, having almost gotten his tongue bitten off. And by any account, he never did try again.

* * *

A guy heard his doorbell ring incessantly. He was going to ignore it—but he figured it wasn't one of those people who'd give up for a long, long, _long_ while. 

Sighing, he crunched his soda can, and answered the door.

"Yeah?"

"I need your help."

Kankuro looked at Ino like she had lost her mind.

_**Quote:**_

_"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."_

-Robert Heinlein

* * *

_**Author's Note**:_

I truly have no idea if this was any good. I don't suppose it was, but I'll wait until you guys review… which reminds me…

**REVIEWPLSREVEWPLSREVEWPLSREVEWPLSREVEWPLSREVEWPLS**

**UROCKUROCKUROCKUROCKUROCKUROCKUROCKUROCKUROCK**

**THANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKS**

Thanks for reading and reviewing. Tell me what you think. I really am at a loss for exactly how I'm going to go about this, but I guess I'll figure it out as I go along—I'm working on it though.

_If you've got any funny awesome ideas, they'd be much appreciated. Even if you don't think so—go ahead and suggest it anyways. Don't worry about it, if I don't use it, I don't use it—if I do, I do. Don't sweat it. No idea is dumb—just another opportunity in progress._

_I hope this made some sense and that I'm not going to fast—but believe me. Things aren't going to stay on good terms with either guy forever… I mean… she WAS drunk… buahahahahaha._

_Sigh… I really did want to make Sasuke the evil bad guy of doom in this story so that you could absolutely hate him with every fiber of your being—but—sigh. I'm a softy at heart, and after all the bashing I've done with him, my guilt has finally come to bear. As much of a bastard as the guy is—he isn't completely evil. I'd like to pretend he was, so I could be happy and just hate him and root for another pairing—but the truth is that we ALL know that he is NEVER as bad as people portray him in all the other stories… hell, I did it myself in the last story. He just makes such a good villain to the other pairings—ah well._

_It's so bad but—_

_I just really want to hate him. It makes life lots easier huh? To just hate and not care. BUT the fact is that Sasuke's a bastard. Not Itachi. So—yeah._

_BUT that doesn't mean he's going to end up with Sakura, __**by any means**__. You'll just have to read and find out._

_Don't be afraid to tell me if I seriously need to re-think redoing a chapter—as long as you say it in a nice, non-flame way, I'm good. Just please tell me if I was on crack while I was typing up this chapter._

**_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything. Especially the characters for this show, nor the music used in it or anything else. I do not own Brittany Spears or her song, "Oops, I did it Againg" **(who would want to own that song anyways?)

_Rock on and payce out_


	4. I Hate the Way You Don't Understand

**10 Things I HATE About YOU**

_I hate the way you don't understand_

_**Quote:**_

_Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more._

-Mark Twain

--

Sasuke sighed as he stepped up to the door—once again. This was getting a little repetitive…

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

…

No answer.

"Come on, Sakura! You can't avoid me forever."

Sasuke sighed as he saw the door finally open with Sakura on the other side—then the door get slammed in his face once again.

Frustrated that they were back to square one he said, "This is getting old! Either open up this door right now, or I'm tearing the damn thing off its hinges! so that you can NEVER shut the damn thing in my face again, UNDERSTAND?! "

The door opened a half-inch—and then was slammed even harder than before.

Gritting his teeth, he mumbled a, "Fine" and broke down the door with a well made stomp on it, to reveal a sheepish Sakura standing in front of him.

Sasuke took a step closer.

"Look, Sakura. It's obvious you still have feelings—"

Sakura remained silent as she shook her head and took a step back.

Fine! She wanted to do this the hard way—then so be it!

Sasuke stomped over to her—just to get his foot tripped on some trap left, sending him crashing into the floor.

Arg!

Annoyed, he got back up again and looked up.

Shouldn't have looked up.

An iron skillet came crashing down from the ceiling. How in the hell did she get an iron skillet up there—

**CRASH**

Oh, he'd be feeling THAT in the morning…

"Sakura, one more time—and I swear—"

Sasuke took a step closer, just to realize his third mistake. The floor underneath his foot gave way, forcing him to bring his other foot down next to him to stabilize himself—just for THAT foot to fall through as well. It's too bad though; that there was a pipe going right through the middle of him in the floor that he was currently falling through…

**CRASH**

**BANG**

Ouch.

Sasuke took in a deep, deep, DEEP, breath as he looked down at the damage. Oh, good God…

Slowly, he eased himself off of the pipe—he was surprised the damn thing didn't break with the force he hit it at… but then that maybe just seem more than what it was because of the pain he was now in…

When he got off finally, he slowly straightened up and walked calmly back up the stairs to where Sakura was.

He looked up and saw her on the other side of the room. Taking slow scary steps, he stopped not a foot away from her and started to say in an angry voice, "_Sakura…_" –at which time she looked up at him with a mischievious smile.

What the—**POOF!**

Sasuke looked down blankly. You've got to be _fucking _kidding m—

In her place was a note, with one word,

_Out._

Son of a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII—

* * *

The light came blaring in the room, shining just so, that all the pain and anguish was amplified by a thousand.

"Oh—not the light, _not the light_—"

**CHING, CHING, CHING, CHING**

"Oh, God, my head…"

She tried to stuff her head into her many folds of blankets and pillows, but no matter how far she went, nothing changed. The pain was still there, as well as the noise.

**TIC TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TO—**

**CRASH**

Sakura gave a small satisfactory smile as she stood over her bedside clock with a large mallet. Sweet, sweet relie—

**DING, DING, DING, DING**

"OH HOLY GOD, HAVE MERCI! WHO IN THE HELL IS MAKING ALL THAT RACKET?? AHHH!" Sakura cringed and winced as her migraine worsened ten fold. Why, oh, why _her_??

Somewhere in the back of her mind, something that might be called a conscience (but who really knows?) was whispering that she had brought this upon herself, and there was no reason to complain—but that small voice was drowned out at the moment by the splitting headache that she was experiencing at the moment.

Sakura sighed as she downed a cup of chamomile tea with a few Advil pills. It would all be good—as long as there were no more noises and the light stayed _away_.

Sakura shut all the blinds and curtains in the house and hid in her room under all her covers and pillows.

…Yes… it would all be perfectly fine…

Heavy footsteps were heard at the door.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK**

Sakura mumbled something incoherent and burrowed farther into her bed.

After a good few more loud knocks, the person let themselves in and loudly walked into her room with a very boisterous woman voice said, "GET UP, SAKURA!! IT'S TIME TO DO A MISSION!!" The headache causing person flew all the curtains open, letting in the glaring sun.

Sakura squinted out from under her bedding.

"Tsunade-sama?"

With a grin she looked down at her student.

"Of course! Normally I would have sent someone to come get you, but since I've been trying to avoid curtain nameless people who have curtain nameless paper work that I, a nameless person, have been avoiding, I decided to come down and get you—namelessly of course! Now up and at 'em!"

Tsunade grabbed all Sakura's covers at once and roughly threw them on the floor beside her bed.

Sakura let out an, "EEP!" as she jumped out of her bed, and then jumped under it to hide from all the noise and light.

"What's wrong with you, Sakura?"

Sakura moaned as she rolled over from underneath her bed to look up at her mattress.

One word, "Hangover."

Understanding dawned, "Ahh, yes… I remember MY first time. Well—not really. I pretty much blacked out my whole experience because of how drunk I was… to this _day_; I have no idea what I did—Jiryia—oh that _man_ still teases me about it. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID!! Arg, if I could I'd tear him limb from limb—"

Sakura coughed purposely to stop her teacher's tyrant.

Tsunade looked down, "Oh—right. Well, lets get going. The mission isn't going to wait all day!"

Sakura groaned as she peaked out from under the bed, "So you're still going to make me do the mission?? I thought you'd understand—"

Tsunade grinned, "Sure I do—but you're still going to do the mission! We're short staffed—and you'll learn something from this. —Maybe this'll teach you not to get drunk."

Sakura looked up shocked at Tsunade, "But—but, YOU drink all the time—AND get drunk!!"

Tsunade shrugged, "That's life. And I'm Hokage."

"But—_but_—you—_drink_—"

Her smile widened, "Drinking—it's a bitch, ain't it? Besides—you're my apprentice. You're _supposed_ to be better than me."

Sakura shook her head as she crawled further underneath her bed.

Putting her head in her arms while lying down on the bare floor she asked in a muffled voice, "So what's the mission?"

Grin got bigger. "Oh, you're going to LOVE this…"

* * *

Oh, God, no! Anything, ANYTHING but this!! God—if you have any merci, what so ever, you'll smite me right here, right now—for the love of God TAKE ME!!

But I guess God was helping some poor helpless OTHER person rather than her, as her prayer remained unanswered.

Sakura stepped into the building and turned to her teacher to plead for her life one last time.

"Please, _Tsunade-sama—Shishou_, don't make me—"

The Hokage grinned as she waved by and teleported back to her office.

Sakura felt it might be good now to just stab herself as she looked around at the group of 10, 9, and younger year old kids that she was supposed to babysitt for the rest of the day.

Just when she was starting to think that it might not be so bad—I mean, there were just kids—a 7 year old walked up to her and asked her a question.

"Miss—What's a—_blow _job??"

Oh good God…

* * *

Ino looked at Kankuro with a pleading look.

"Come on. Please?"

Kankuro shook his head like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Why in the hell would you want _my_ advice _anyways_. We hardly even _know_ each other."

"Well—I thought that since you came up with the great plan from before, that you'd be able to do it again! Pleeeaaaase??"

"I just have one question—are you _insane_??"

Ino rolled her eyes at the rhetorical question.

"Plea—"

Kankuro cut her off, "—And why would I want to do so gracious an act, exactly? Even if you _aren't_ completely crazy—which I'm not sure you aren't—there's really no reason for me to get involved in _your_ mess."

Ino sighed. She'd been thinking about that…

"Well—I'm cute?"

Kankuro snorted.

"Umm—I could pay you?"

"Keep talking."

"—And…uhh…"

Kankuro started tapping on the door.

"…And because you are a big strong man, who'd like to help a poor and weak defenseless girl like me??"

"…"

"I'm shutting the door now."

Ino put her foot in the door.

"Oh, come on. I'm not asking for much, and it's not like nobody ever _doesn't need_ money. It'll only be for a little while—7 days _at most. _Then you can go back to your puppets—or porn—or whatever the hell you guys do in your spare time—deal?"

Kankuro sighed, "Are you sure, this is what you want to do—once you start, there's no going back. And this is your _friend_ we're talking about right? This Uchiha dude is supposed to be bad business. Don't you think it'd be better if you just let her—"

Ino shook her head wildly, "No, no, no! It's fine—besides! Sakura doesn't like Sai anyways, and her and Sasuke will be great together! It'll all work out—you'll see!"

Kankuro shook his head as he looked down. "I'm signing my death warrant, I think, but—fine. I'll do it. But don't blame me when things go wrong."

Ino grinned, "They won't."

* * *

Naruto sighed as he kicked a can.

"We are so doomed."

Sai looked up surprised at Naruto. "You—Dickless—is for once, giving up?"

Naruto grinned sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wouldn't say, 'Giving up'—but more, facing facts. I'm still going to try of course—but—well—"

"We're doomed." Sai finished.

"Right."

Naruto sighed again as he kicked the can again. This time though, the can swung to the right, in front of a building.

Swearing he ran over to the can and was about to pick it up and put it back in his path since it was such a good kicking can, when he paused as he took a look inside the window of the building.

"Is that Sakura-chan?"

Naruto's jaw dropped as Sai walked over to Naruto and saw what Naruto was seeing.

Five kids were tying Sakura up to a chair, while another three were playing with paint and creating 'art' on Sakura's lower half, while another three were using colourful permanent markers on Sakura's face.

Another five were handling glue while separate groups of five were handling feathers.

What the hell?

Sakura saw them and with her eyes, pleaded, 'help me!'

Naruto could feel his eye balls start to pop out at the sight, as Sai said casually, "I think it makes her look a little less ugly, how 'bout you, Dickless?"

Naruto slowly and creakingly turned his 'popping out eyes' on Sai, and with his jaw still dropped.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me."

Sai raised an eyebrow. "Actually, as it is, I'm—what's the metaphor? –Oh, dead serious. –Or is it, as serious as a 'heart attack'? Either way, I don't believe I'm kidding. Should I have been? I'm not sure I know how to make a joke…"

Naruto finally had enough decency to close his jaw and pop his eyes back in his head as he shook his head looking at Sai.

"Your—" Naruto stopped himself as he looked back in the room to see a still pleading Sakura, now being practically flooded with glue. –And were those—sparkles? They'd better get in there before they started with the feathers…

Naruto lit up with an idea, "Hey, Sai! This is your chance!! Come on, go in there and save Sakura! She won't hate you so much if you become her knight in shining armor. All girls dream of stuff like that, right??"

Sai looked between Naruto and Sakura still tied to a chair.

"Well—I—"

"No time, Sai—go I there and save her—for both our sakes!" Naruto pushed Sai through the door and into the pandemonium that was ensuing.

* * *

When Sai, instead of Naruto, walked in—Sakura felt a small part of herself die off inside.

If there were a God out there, he was sure getting his vengeance eh—about now.

"Erm—Sai, no offense, but could you go get—" The end off her sentence died on her lips.

Naruto was no longer outside. The goofball Ramen loving idiot had left her!! Sakura hoped he had insurance because she was going to give a good beating next time she—

Sakura stopped her ranting in her head as she heard Sai ask, "Why?"

Sakura blinked up from her tied up position in the chair confused.

"Huh? What do you mean, 'why'? Do you mean getting Naruto to help because—"

Sai cut her off. "Not that. Why would you say, 'no offense'. What about it would offend me?"

Double take—what??

"Well—uh—just—hold on a second—JIMMY I SWEAR IF YOU KICK ME ONE MORE TIME—!"

The kid grinned sheepishly and ducked into the hoard of kids to hide once more.

Sakura turned back to Sai exhaustedly.

"Well, Sai, it might offend some people—especially guys—to ask help from someone else when that person who's offering their help is being refused. Understand?" Sakura said this a little apologetically—but not too much, since Sai didn't really seem offended—just curious.

"I'm not offended… I understand my oddities. I've looked up lots of books and discovered my ugliness as well."

Sakura cocked her head to the side confused—well as much as she could since she was still currently tied up.

"I don't understand, Sai. Who said you were ugly?"

Pleasantly he answered, "Oh, no one. But I've got books full of what makes people ugly. It's interesting that you mentioned it since I was just thinking about it yesterday at the bar."

Sakura shook her head, "I still don't understand. What does your book say that makes people 'ugly'??"

"Oh—many things. I'm not sure if I totally understand it myself… I guess you might say that anything that is 'abnormal' is considered ugly—such as, hair, weight, height, etc. Also odd personalities for women—stubborn, outspoken, loud… Odd personalities for men—loud, playful, nice, overly insulting, and handling things the opposite way that they should be handled—the last two of which I am. I've figured that I must be ugly too—although not as much as most people. But I still can't figure out how I've never met someone who is not ugly yet—"

"Wait, wait—Are you telling me, that you insult everyone on how ugly they are, not because that's your opinion, but because you read it out of a _book_?"

Sakura thought about the list that Sai had talked about and started softly laughing—then a little louder, till a full blown out laugh.

"I do not understand, Ugly. Why are you laughing? Did I tell a joke? Is there something wrong?"

Sakura felt the need to wipe away the tears as the laughing subsided, but since she was still tied to a chair, she just left it with nothing better to do about it.

Look up at him she said, "Oh, Sai. You really _don't_ understand, do you? Those 'abnormalities' are not ugliness of any sort—well they _may_ _not_ be. Those are called flaws. Regular human flaws."

"How is that—"

Sakura grinned, "Because flaws have nothing to do with ugliness. I'm not sure if you've ever heard this—but, beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"I don't think I've heard that."

Sakura had to shake her head once again. "Flaws are what makes a person, Sai. EVERYONE has them—otherwise we'd all be robots walking around—everyone the same as everybody. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone walked, talked, and acted the same?"

"I don't suppose it would be very good." Sai tried to imagine if all the people he'd ever met were all the same. It just didn't seem possible—well one thing would be for sure… he'd never have been able to nickname everybody if they all were the same.

"Let me give you a tip, Sai. A person's flaw is only as ugly as you perceive it. No one can _tell_ you if a flaw is ugly or not. It just comes naturally if you like or dislike something about someone. What's even more is, just having a few flaws that you may not like, doesn't always automatically make the person _ugly _all together. It just depends on if the flaws you don't like outweighs the ones you do like."

Sai nodded and stored that information away for later. "I still do not understand completely, but I'll try."

Sakura sighed.

"Well—since you're here and there's no one else—could you help me?"

Sai took a full look at her situation, and nodded.

"I could."

…

…

A few minutes passed by.

Exasperated, Sakura asked, "Well—will you??"

"Why?"

Sakura blinked again.

Did he just ask that??

"Because I'm tied _up_, that's why!"

"I understand."

…

…

A few more minutes—the kids now almost done with covering her completely with glue.

"So aren't you?"

**BlinkBlink**

"Why?"

'_**ARG, I though I just answered this!'**_

Slowly and angrily through gritted teeth she started to say said, "_Because_—"

"Oh, I understand your situation, Ugly… but why should I untie you? I mean—your ugliness seems a little less ugly right now."

"_What_?"

Sai nodded with a smile.

Sakura looked at him aghast as the children started throwing the feathers all over her. When the kids ran out of that, they tore off the head of their teddy bears and started throwing stuffing on her.

While she looked through feathers and fluff, in an instant, Sakura felt her anger melt away with an odd realization.

"Sai? I thought you said you thought abnormalities were suppose to ugly."

Sai look down at Sakura confused.

"Well—isn't _this_ a really odd abnormality? How could this make me—less ugly?" Sakura said finishing.

Sai cocked his head to the left.

Well _that_ was an interesting question.

"I do not know."

Is this what she meant, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'? All of his books said that this would be _extremely_ ugly. Only it wasn't. At least he didn't _think_ it was. But wasn't that an opinion? Obviously he must have liked or disliked something or he obviously wouldn't have said what he did. He must have had another feeling—and not even realized it.

Suddenly, Sakura got a mischievous grin as she came up with a plan.

"Sai? Are you sure you won't untie me?"

"I thought we went over this, Ugly."

Still grinning, she nodded.

"All right… well then… if you want to be like that—and since you do not define this as ugly—"

Sakura turned her eyesight to the kids.

"Hey, kids! I know it's been fun, you guys tying me up and all—but you'd know what'd be even MORE fun?!"

All the kids eyes lit up as they turned their full attention on her.

"Huh?"

"Yeah Auntie Sakura-sensei?!"

"Tell us!! Come on—tell us!"

"Yeah, tell us!"

Sakura scanned the group.

"Well—I know, Uncle Sai-sensei would LOVE for you guys to play this awesome game with him, that you've played with me!"

With awe all the kids looked at 'Uncle Sai-sensei'.

Sai blinked blankly.

With a cheer, Sai was overtaken by the mob.

Sakura cackled evilly. Nobody messes with 'Auntie Sakura-sensei' and gets away with it. Even if it was really—almost sweet of Sai.

* * *

Sasuke asked around, and after a few mistakes on where she was, he finally got a good reliable answer. Walking down the street, he finally came through the door and marched in without looking.

Finally looking up to give Sakura a piece of his mind, he finally took in the whole situation.

Sakura and Sai were both tied to chairs. With glue practically eating them alive. With sparkles. And feathers. And stuffing. Plus lots of macaroni art work. And was that—a slipper??

And they seemed to be arguing—sort of.

"YOU got us into this, Sai."

"How did your miniscule brain come up with that, Ugly? _I_ did not get _us_ into this mess. You got ME into this mess. You were already like this when I arrived—"

"Well, if you had just let me go like when I said—"

Sasuke cleared his throat to gain attention. It didn't work.

"I told you the reason for that, Ugly. Do you _like_ to be ugly? Obviously I thought that this was a much better version of you, so I—"

"What? LET ME ROT! ARG! Sai, I swear—"

"I did not know your small brain could hold all the vocabulary such as _swearing_—"

Irritated at being ignored he made himself known by saying angrily, "_Sakura_…"

Sai turned his gaze to Sasuke.

"Ah—so now the dumb-ass can say names as well. Congratulations. I thought it might be impossible by how far your brain must have degenerated by now. Guess not."

Sasuke threw a glare at Sai, and turned back to Sakura.

"I'll untie you. We've got to talk."

Sakura sighed. She'd have to do it sooner or later… and preferably not drunk, like last time, when all went to hell.

Sakura nodded.

"Hey! You can't do that! We tied Auntie Sakura-sensei up ourselves. You'd ruin our artwork!"

Sasuke glared at the kids, thus scaring the life out of them for the rest of forever.

"Don't be mean, Sasuke. They're just kids…"

"Hn."

Sasuke turned away from them and back to Sakura.

Methodically, Sasuke started to untie and when necessary, rip, through the glue hold Sakura in her uncomfortable position.

When she was finally released, she stretched out like a cat, thoroughly enjoying her newfound freedom.

After a few seconds of soaking in the luxury, Sakura started working on Sai.

Annoyed Sasuke said, "Leave him. They'll get him out later."

Sakura shook her head.

"I know—but I'll do it. It's fine."

Sasuke stood back as Sakura worked on getting Sai out.

When she finally got him untied and loose, he straightened up and Sakura couldn't help the giggle that escaped from her lips.

He looked so awkward in all that glue, stuck on rope, sparkles, feathers, stuffing, and whatever else that the kids had a whim to attack him with. It actually gave him some personality.

Sasuke, STILL annoyed, grabbed Sakura's arm and started to pull her outside of the building away from Sai. Before he could get her all the way out though, Sakura said with a smile at Sai, "You don't seem as ugly right now either, Sai!" And then she was gone.

Sai stood stiffly and awkwardly as he looked around at all the kids looking up at him with big eyes—all the art projects still glued to him no less.

"Uncle Sai-sensei?"

Sai looked down at one little 7 year old with big blue eyes.

"Yes?"

"Uncle Sai-sensei? What does a—_blow_ job mean?"

* * *

"Sakura, it is time we settle this."

Once again Sakura had to sigh. Of course—right to the point.

"Yes—I understand that. But—don't you see—we _can't_ just settle this."

"Why not."

"_Because_, Sasuke. You _left_. Coming back just doesn't reverse all that you've done."

"So what are you saying, Sakura? You hate me? You and Naruto waiting for me to come back were for no point at all? I know you better than that, Sakura. Besides, you already said you didn't hate me."

Sakura suddenly felt exhausted beyond belief.

"Yes, Sasuke-kun. I don't hate you. Never have—never will. But doesn't change facts. Yes—we wanted you to come back. We understood why you left. But you didn't have to leave. You could have _stayed_ and trained hard here, instead of with that freak, Orochimaru. And you can't expect me to just jump ship with you after leaving us like that. –You didn't even come to say goodbye. **I** had go after you. And what about Naruto?"

"See, Sakura. You _don't_ understand. I did have to leave. In order to defeat Itachi. And you know I couldn't have said bye to Naruto—you know he would have tried to stop me—like you tried. You still don't get it."

Sakura stepped back and let her bangs cover her face as she looked down.

Humorlessly she laughed, "I'm still annoying, huh?"

"Sakura—I—"

Sakura shook her head as she looked up with a smile and no tears.

"I think that's the one thing you're wrong about Sasuke. I _do_ understand. Just—"

Sakura sighed again.

"We can't settle this all at once right now. We will—just not yet. O.K.?"

Sasuke stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Fine. But you have to promise to give me a chance and not slam the door in my face every time I try to talk to you? Understand."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "All right, but I've told you before—I do plan on just staying friends, Sasuke. I assume you killed my door?"

"Hn."

Sakura smiled, letting it reach her eyes. "Ah—the ultimate Uchiha Sasuke answer. Universal and solid. That's the old Sasuke-kun."

They both continued down the trail and back into the inhabited area toward where Sai was left to take care of the kids.

While on the way, they were stopped by a loud laugh coming from a certain Hokage.

"Is that big-bird I see from Sesame Street? Oh—no—just an apprentice with pink hair."

Sakura glared at her sensei.

"YOU!"

Sakura stomped up to her teacher.

"You knew this would happen didn't you!! Oh, _SHISHOU_!!"

The blonde haired woman covered up a fake yawn with her hand.

"Oh, I have no _idea_ what you're talking about Sakura. Certainly nothing to do with a certain payback for a certain _skunk_—I no! Of _course_ not!"

"Tsunade-sama—" Sakura started dangerously.

The Hokage shook her head, knowing that there was nothing that Sakura could do.

With a grin, Tsunade said, "I know _everything_, Sakura. Of course I'd know what'd happen to you there with the kids while having what must have been a _horrible_ headache hangover."

With a wave she was going back to her 'paper work' _(AKA: Sake)_.

With steam coming out of her ears, Sakura ground her foot into the cement.

That Sensei!!

"Now that that's settled—you're going to lunch with me."

Sakura cracked her jaw in irritation, and then stomped away.

"What'd I say?"

* * *

Kankuro shook his head with Ino as they watched Sasuke, once again, screw himself over. AGAIN!

"All right, Ino, we've got some work to do."

Ino nodded as Sakura went back into the death torture of hell filled with kids called babysitting and relieved Sai of his forced work.

"Now here's what we're going to do…"

_**Quote:**_

_Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more._

-Mark Twain

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_FINALLY, I have updated. Actually—I got less reviews for the last chapter TTTT so sad…_

_But oh well. If people don't want to read it, then that's their loss._

_Sorry for taking so long—but it took me a while to get time to update—and then when I got a lot of time, I had no inspiration, because I still wasn't sure how I wanted the ending chapters to go… but now I have a decent idea. A little sketchy—but decent._

_I want to thank you for all who have reviewed. Please do so again. Tell me if I was on crack when I did this chapter or what._

_I know I've got this whole thing going between Sasuke and Sakura—but I couldn't just leave their relationship hanging at "YOU SUCK, I HATE YOU, YOU BASTARD" sort of thing. I need a real closing for them. So obviously I've got to have real conflict and all that. I have it all planned out between them so don't get worried. _

_I do still want a SaiXSaku fic—I just want a little competition between guys with a little closure between friends later on. I kind of want to make up for all the Sasuke bashing that I've written and read. Obviously he isn't a saint, but at the same token, he ain't a complete evil bad guy bastard who deserves to rot under the worse gutter in New York City. You've got to find some sort of middle ground if you want it semi-realistic._

_So—yeah._

_Thanks for bearing with me._

_TT..TT And guys—if you've got quotes you'd like to share—I'd love you for the rest of forevers! . Thanks. I'm just running out of quotes that I want to use—it's so hard to find quotes that match my chapters lately… plus maybe you could give ideas about the 'what i hate about you' part--like, i hate the way you walk, talk... SOMETHING! I'm am SO desparate... it's just that i need some inspiration--i mean, i have an idea of what i want to do with chapter and everything--just... yeah..._

_Ah well…I'll figure out something._

_If you've got any ideas, then pls share them, whether if you think they're bad or not—I'll decide, so don't sweat it._


	5. I Hate the Way You Look

**10 Things I HATE About YOU**

_I hate the way you look_

_**Quote:**_

_"Let us be thankful for the fools. _

_But for them the rest of us could not succeed..."_

-Mark Twain

"Alright, now first things first: The emo look. Time to go."

Sasuke glared heatedly at the Sand Ninja, daring him to even _try_ it.

Kankuro crossed his arms.

"You do it, or I walk away. –And NO Sakura."

Sasuke was silent for a while and then said, "Hn." We shall assume that it was a confirmation 'hn' and not a—I hate your guts, and if you try to touch me I'll kill you in the slowest possible way—'hn'.

Ino popped out from behind an inconspicuous wall, with a pair a scissors and a devious—practically joyous, smile.

"You mean—I can actually say that I strip The Sasuke Uchiha _naked_?"

Sasuke seethed. "Touch me—I kill you."

Kankuro WAS going to tell Ino to get the hell out—but after _that_ reaction…

"No—not naked—"

Ino got a disappointed look.

Kankuro looked pointedly at Sasuke. "—Just to his _boxers_."

If Sasuke was any other man, then he would have had a horrified look as Ino approached him practically _glowing _with the evilest smile ever to have walked the face of the earth.

"Oh, this is _too_ perfect."

* * *

"Sai. You need a hobby."

Sai turned to the pacing Naruto, while he himself sat on the couch in his apartment.

"What, Dickless?"

Naruto stopped pacing in front of Sai and stared down at him, furrowing his brow.

"You. Need. A. Hobby."

Sai blinked as he looked around at his apartment—_littered_ with paintings and other _hobbies_.

"Are you _blind_ as well as stupid, Dickless?"

Naruto leaned over, nose to nose.

"I am not. You need a new _look_. You have no personality—and while your paintings are at least somewhat interesting—YOU are still really—_REALLY_ plain. Plus, Sakura-chan already knows about this –ONE- hobby that you have. Now we need—we need—something more—more EDGY, ya know!!"

Naruto jerked back away from Sai, pacing once again.

"Thankfully, Teme, doesn't have much going on either besides his goal of 'GOT TO KILL BASTARD BROTHER', so _I_ figure that if we can get you better in this area, then we'll have a (small) advantage over him. We're behind as it is—what with Sakura-chan having already been in LOVE with Teme—so we're going to need as much extra help that we can get."

Naruto continued his pacing.

"Dickless—why don't I just ask Hag to go with me to the festival that's happening tonigh?—"

Naruto stopped and interrupted him as his gaze snapped at Sai. "THAT'S IT, SAI!! You've given me the PERFECT idea!"

Naruto grabbed Sai by the back of his collar and dragged him out of the house.

It was then that Naruto said, that no guy had ever been excited to say in the history of ever.

"Sai! It's time to go—_shopping_!!"

* * *

Sasuke felt ridiculous. There he stood in front of the two people he (almost) never wanted to kill more. Other than Itachi of course. But that was another matter.

He stood there in pants. _Leather_ pants. _Tight_ leather pants. Guess what he was wearing as a shirt? None. There _was_ no shirt. So what was he wearing? A jacket. A _leather_ jacket. An _open_ leather jacket. And you would think that at least the open leather jacket would _match_ the _tight_ black _leather_ pants? Oh no. It was a _lavender_ leather jacket. Not purple. Not blue. Hell—not even GREEN. But lavender. All these bitches would _die_.

Ino's face broke into a large grin as she shook Kankuro's hand.

"You are _genius_!"

Kankuro crossed his arms and replied, "I know."

Sasuke glared as he shifted in the _very_ uncomfortable clothing. Shit—you could even see his _personal_ parts. –And if these damn things were any tighter, his balls would fall—

"Stop fidgeting, Sasuke. If you want Sakura to come back to you, you've got to be the part!" Ino said this while wagging her finger at him.

Sasuke smacked the hand away as he suddenly felt like pulling his _wedgy_ out of his _ass_.

"Why in the hell did I have to change my look again? I was perfectly fine befo—"

Kankuro held up a hand and said, "Stop trying to get out of it. Nobody likes self-centered emo people who can only talk about how crappy their life is. THAT is your problem. The look is part of it—it makes you look more approachable."

"Yeah! –And still look really hot!" Ino finished.

This time Sasuke really _did_ pull his wedgy out of his ass.

Kankuro broke out a small smirk.

"—Now. It's time for your make-up."

Ino squealed.

* * *

"Sai! Stop messing with it!"

"—But Dickless, the damn thing is so big and irritating—"

"I don't care. Stop _playing_ with it."

"—But—"

"No 'buts', Sai! If you want your relationship to grow with Sakura, you either do it, or I quit."

Sai starred down his nose at the big, red, foamy clown nose.

"Are you sure about this, Dickless? I know stupidity transcends everything, but—"

"_Yes_, Sai, I am _completely_ sure. Now shut up and put on the outfit."

Sai looked down at the colourful clown clothing and big red plastic shoes.

Naruto had decided to come up with the _brilliant_ plan of giving Sai the _awesome_ hobby of being a _clown_.

Sai stepped out of the dressing room, feeling like itching places that shouldn't be itched.

* * *

Sasuke felt like ripping off his clothes and going bare naked in the street.

As wrong as that sounds.

Not only was there _leather_ in places that there _shouldn't_ be, but also those places were getting ridiculously _raw _now. Not to mention how uncomfortable it all was from the beginning.

Now—to _add_ to that—the damned make-up was enough for any nun to _swear_ at. Of which he did.

"Son of a—"

"Sasuke! What did I tell you about swearing! If you want Sa—"

Sasuke waved a hand at Ino as he muttered, "Yeah, yeah. If I want Sakura blah, blah, blah."

Ino huffed as she crossed her arms stubbornly.

"You just keep that up and I—"

"Won't do anything."

Ino glared.

Sasuke hn'd and looked away and then, _once again_, complained, "Why in the hell am I wearing make up _anyway_. The _damn_ stuff is just so damn _heavy_—I feel like I'm suffocating. How in the _hell_ do you people put up with this?"

Baby. All he had on was foundation, mascara and eyeliner.

Ino rolled her eyes as Kankuro walked in with a book.

Kankuro held out the book with the cover written in big bold letter—

**WOMEN PROBLEMS? ARROGANT ISSUES? **

**THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS IS HERE!**

"Read it. Learn it. BE it."

Sasuke shifted. "Hn."

Kankuro threw the book at him, of which Sasuke caught easily.

Kankuro bowed mockingly. "I have nothing left to teach you young grasshopper. Now go out and explore the world and become _one_ with nature."

Sasuke twitched while Ino got a weird look and sweat dropped as she turned to Kankuro.

Kankuro shrugged. He'd always wanted to say that. These people just didn't know how to have fun once and a while.

Ino turned back to Sasuke. "ANYWAY, there's a festival tonight, and you need to be there and get with Sakura. Perfect place and time."

Sasuke continued his scowl escapade.

Ino grinned. "Now! It's time to turn the frown—upside down! For I have though of one MORE thing for us to do before we send out our expe—child into the world!"

Kankuro turned to Ino questioningly.

"And what's that?"

Ino held up an electric razor and clicked it on, letting it's buzzing sound to reverberate throughout the house.

"A hair cut!"

* * *

"Stop _rubbing_ it, Sai!"

"Can't help it, Dickless. It's _everywhere_. Maybe if your small mind hadn't—"

"We don't have _time_ for this! And if you keep this up, the make-up will come _off_. The festival is starting in—"

**RING, RING, RING**

Bunches of people swarmed the area with happy smiles and cotton candy.

Naruto sighed as he quickly got separated from Sai. Dang it! And he hadn't even taught Sai how to juggle with fire-consumed knives yet! Awe…he'll figure it out eventually…

* * *

Sasuke put out his hand in order to stop the grinning idiot.

"No one. Touches. The. Hair."

A glare was sent out.

Ino sent back that glare—although not with the experience and practice that Sasuke seemed to have.

Kankuro stepped forward.

"No—Ino's right. That chicken butt hair isn't going to attract _any_one. You know people are making fun of it behind your back anyway right?"

Sasuke growled in his emo corner.

"Not touching my hair."

He sounded like a little kid. Ino had to hold in the laugh, deciding that she still wanted to live for a few more years.

Kankuro rolled his eyes this time and then shrugged.

"We could always die it pink?"

Sasuke stole the razor and starting chopping away.

* * *

Sakura whistled as she walked down the road, trying to avoid knocking _every_ person that she walked passed in the crowd—unsuccessfully of course.

Today was so great! No MEN!! Sakura had been on her guard ALL day because she had been _sure_ that some how those guys would end up running into her (purposefully or not) and screwing up her entire day!

—But—then—nothing! It was like a miracle! There really IS a God!!

Sakura put her hands behind her head confidently happy. She giggled as she had a passing thought that she looked a little like Naruto right now…

Sakura paused as she saw the funniest clown in the funniest suit, funnily looking like Sai—

Sakura paused as her jaw dropped.

You've got to be fucking kidding m—

* * *

Sasuke held on as tight as possible to the doorframe. There was no way in _hell_ he was going out there in public—in _this_!

Kankuro worked at removing Sasuke's fingers clutched to the doorframe, while Ino worked on shoving her foot on his back, to push him out the door.

"Not on your _life_, Yamanaka."

Ino pressed into his back a little harder.

"Come—ON—Sasuke!! STOP—being—SUCH—a—BABY!!"

Sasuke held good.

With a huff and a large intake of breath, Ino pulled her foot back and shoved it on his back one more time with a good, swift, stomp.

"GO—**ON**!!"

Sasuke popped out of the door like an over packed sardine getting forced out of it's habitat.

Sasuke crossed his legs and tried to hide his body with his hands. For all he did, Sasuke looked like a teenager girl's first time of putting on a bikini bathing suit.

"I'll see you all in hell." Sasuke sent another wave of glares at them before turning to meet his 'doom'.

Sighing, Sasuke started trudging out into the hoard of people. This was going to be a long day…

* * *

"_SAI_?!"

Sai slowly shifted around, making up for all the ridiculous clothing and shoes, to look at Sakura.

"Ugly."

Sakura continued to let her jaw drop even lower as she walked over to Sai.

She stared at the big red nose on his face.

"You've got to be _kidding_ me, Sai!"

Sai tilted his head. "Depends on what you mean, Ugly. I am supposed to be a clown—although I'm not so sure I'm any good at 'telling jokes'. That is unless you're asking about me being in a clown _suit_—then no. I don't suppose I am 'kidding you'."

Sakura pointed her finger accusingly at him.

"You—"

Sakura paused as she looked into the distance that must have spelled out the apocalypse.

"_Sasuke_?"

* * *

This was it. He was going to die, here, and now. He always wondered when it would happen—how he would go—obviously he never thought it would be because of something like _this_.

"_Sasuke_?"

Sasuke forced himself not to shrink back. He was to awesome and _manly_ to shrink back!

Sasuke took in a deep breath. If he could take the fashion change for Orochimaru, that involved a _gay_ lavender _ribbon/rope_, then he could take this.

Sasuke started his slow approach to doo—I mean, Sakura.

* * *

Sakura couldn't believe her eyes. This can't be for real! Maybe she was dreaming! Yes! That was it!! She had been walking in the middle of the road and BAM she fell unconscious, and her brain just hadn't caught up with it yet.

—Because, if this really _was_ real—then she was in some serious trouble.

Sakura switched her gaze back and forth from Sai, to Sasuke. She could feel a headache coming on.

Sakura blinked widely as she tried to take in one at a time—for her sanity of course.

Sakura surveyed Sasuke in his ridiculous getup. Black leather pants—looking _considerably_ uncomfortable if I might add—a feminine purple—_lavender_—as a jacket. Sakura held in a giggle—no _shirt_. And was that—_make-up_?! Oh good lord, this was too much…

Sakura's gaze raised upward as she observed his hair. Oh good, GOD! She would have to shake the hand of whoever got within a foot of his hair to do this…

She couldn't hold it in anymore. Good, Lord—it was just too much!!

Bursting into giggles, Sakura started, "Sasuke? What—hehe—have you—ahahaha—done?! –AHAHAHAHA—is—ahaha—that—a picture—ahahaha—of a—AHAHAHAHAHA—SQUIREL?! AHAHAHAH—on your--HEAD?! OH, MY GOSH—**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**!!"

Sakura fell over into another fit of giggles. Yes, THE Sasuke Uchiha had shaved his hair. And then shaved a picture of a squirrel in it. Hath Armageddon come?!

Sasuke scowled and glared at every poor buggy to happen to cross his path. He mumbled something Sakura couldn't hear.

Sakura cupped her ear at him, asking him to speak up with a, "HUH?"

"fjsdklfjdsf... kfkskdds…"

"Say WHAT?"

"…I SAID, kdjfsd… ieuroiersd…"

Sakura sighed as she ONCE AGAIN yelled for him to speak up.

"I SAID, THAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE A BUNNY! NOT A DAMN SQUIREL!!"

Sakura blinked and broke out into a grin. "You don't have to yell, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke continued his glaring parade.

Sakura shook her head as she turned to the other ridiculous looking man.

Sai stood there with a blank look on his face as Sakura inspected him.

His clothing consisted of bright clothing (including red, green, orange, and bright purples)—plus to overly large big red shoes that chaffed something bad since they were made of plastic.

And—heavens above—the guy had the most ridiculous make-up. Of course, then again—he IS a clown…

Sakura saw to big rosy red cheeks, blue eye shadow—GOLD eyeliner—weird shapes (some of which were swirls, attesting to Naruto's roll in this charade) and lots and _lots_ of sparkles.

Sakura's eyes zoned in on his big red—foam—nose right in the middle of his face.

No! Must resist temptation!! Her hand twitched.

–NO! STOP! MUST—BE—DISIPLINED—AHH—ah, too late.

Sakura gave into temptation as she lifted her right hand and squished the red nose between all of her fingers while saying, "B**ee**p, b**ee**p!"

The corner of Sakura's eyes crinkled as her smile grew.

Sakura finally shook her head and took a step back from the two idiots.

Both tried to raise their hand to say something, but were shot down when Sakura held up her hand to stop them from talking.

"No! I don't want to know. Just—just—" Sakura bit her lip as she tried to—unsuccessfully again—stop the tirade of giggles once again.

Sasuke tried to cross his arms to maintain some sort of dignity, but was _also_ unsuccessful since the jacket was too tight and clingy to move. Sasuke tried to casually put his arms back down to his sides, like that was his whole intent from the first place.

Sakura just laughed harder.

"Ugly, I realize that this must be 'funny', but if you do not stop laughing soon, lack of oxygen to the brain will cause you to loose the few precious brain cells that you have left."

"O—OKAY—AHAHAHA—JUST—HOLD ON—AHAHAHAHA—"

Sakura slowly calmed down as she straightened up from her bent over laughing state.

Amusement still glinting, Sakura said, "Well—okay! So, what am I going to do with you two goofballs, huh? I suppose I shall have to call you—"

Sakura pointed to Sai. "—Naruto one. And you—"

Sakura pointed at Sasuke. "—Naruto two, since there is no other fitting name at the moment." Sakura shook the giggles welding up inside her away again.

Taking a deep breath, Sakura turned around and started walking away. Seeing that they weren't following, Sakura stopped and half turned to them.

"Well?"

Sai and Sasuke looked at each other and then at Sakura.

"Well, what?" Sasuke answered.

Sakura laughed, "Well, are you guys coming or not? I mean, if you don't want to, I don't mind—but I figured that—since—"

Sakura blinked and Sai already hooked onto her left arm. "Lets go, Hag."

Sasuke blinked as well as they started out on their journey. He followed them, and walked next to Sakura, with his hands in his pockets.

Naruto, Ino, and Kankuro smiled satisfied as they watched from their precariously 'hidden' places on the street.

"Perfect." All three said at once.

* * *

Sakura happily found a seat at a small outdoors restaurant. This day couldn't have been more perfect if Naruto came and gave her all the money back that he had spent on ramen!!

Sai and Sasuke seated themselves in the other seats around the round table.

Sakura looked at them with wide eager eyes, as if waiting for them to do something.

"Stop staring, Ugly. Taking a picture might last longer, Hag."

Sakura shook her head as she looked down.

While her head was down (and Sasuke being emo), a book came crashing into Sai's face.

Peeling the book off, Sai opened it up underneath the table. A note fell out.

_Here's a book to give you some tips to save you from being _

_a emotionally empty nutshell for Sakura-chan!_

_Naruto_

Sai turned the book to look at the title.

_EMOTIONLESS AND UNCARING? LOOKING TO GET A _

_CLOSER RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL? NEED A FEW TIPS??_

_WELL—HE'RES THE BOOK FOR YOU!!_

**_PERSONALITY IN A NUTSHELL_**

Sai looked up as Sakura turned her attention back on the boys.

She was practically beaming at them. Sasuke restrained a flinch. Oh the light! Not the _light_! Emo's cannot _handle_ the light!! AHHH! _(__**A/n:**__ sorry for the cracks about emo… I have a problem—I know…it's just too funny—I can't stop myself! Forgive me! ((hides from vegetables))_

Sakura continued this beaming as they all sat in silence. Awkward silence. She looked back and forth between them. The beaming slowly turned to a smile, and then to an almost fallen bored look as the silence continued.

Tapping started with her finger as neither boys offered up any sort of conversation.

Sasuke kept his head facing away from the table, but saw out of the corner of his eye the irritated and bored woman. Sighing, Sasuke decided to do what he had _sworn_ to avoid at all costs for the rest of his life.

Use a self-help book. Sasuke sighed as he smoothly pulled out the book given to him out of God-knows-where, and hid it underneath the table.

**WOMEN PROBLEMS? ARROGANT ISSUES? **

**THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS IS HERE!**

He quietly cracked open the book and scanned the Table of Contents.

_Chapter 1: Emo? Here's the cure…_

_Chapter 2: Arrogant issues? Try the arrogant cream…_

_Chapter 3: Relationship on the rocks? Get a drink…_

Chapter 4: Tension consuming the air? Learn how to breathe…

_Chapter 5: Not getting it up? Try— _

Wait! What was that last one?

Sasuke flipped to chapter four, "Tension consuming the air? Learn how to breathe…"

Blah, blah, blah, bla—wait! Sasuke intently read the paragraph explaining how to break the tension when in a situation a kin to his.

"That table cloth must be pretty interesting, Sasuke…"

Sasuke's eyes snapped up as he looked around at the questioning looks.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Hn…" He'd have to be more careful later on… but that's okay… he had enough as it was.

Sakura shrugged and went back to intently stirring her tea with a look of 'fascination'.

Sasuke thought about what he read and automatically changed positions, from looking away 'arrogantly', to facing Sakura. Then he straightened up his posture.

Then Sasuke did what he never thought he'd ever have to do in a million years—he started a conversation.

"So—er—Sakura. How—was your day?"

Thankfully, Sakura had the decency to keep her jaw from unhinging this time.

Sakura blinked as she said the first intelligible thing that came to mind, "Wait—huh?"

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably, not liking to having to repeat the offensive scene.

"I asked how your day was."

Sakura blinked and slowly replied, "Well—um, alright, I guess. I had a short shift today because of the festival and, thankfully, we hit the record of thirty days without death. Er—how was yours?"

Sasuke contemplated not answering.

_**Rule number 4:**__ ALWAYS BE POLITE AND ANSWER QUESTIONS ASKED OF YOU!! _

_WITHOUT THIS, THE DATE WILL MOST LIKELY END UP WITH A BOWL OF RAMEN ON YOUR HEAD!!_

Sasuke continued his contemplation.

After a few minutes of silence, he heard Sakura sigh and look away.

"It was fine."

And that was that. Sure it was short and hardly even a sentence—but whatever. He did it, and Sakura seemed a little more lighthearted as she looked up and let out another beam of light. Ahh!! The light again! It comes to haunt the emo people! Why the treachery?! Why?!

"That was _genius_, Uchiha. What next? A card trick."

Sasuke restrained himself from chocking the living daylights out of the emotionless idiot.

* * *

Sai had watched the transaction with mild interest. It didn't really make sense that that small sentence could be that great—he may have been emotionally inept—but the guy looked like he had just conquered some great feat by saying, "It was fine." Is that all _he_ needed to say to make Sakura's and his relationship on better terms? Sai doubted his would have the same results as Sasuke's.

He didn't understand—all the guy said was, "It was fine." It was—well it was idiotic.

"That was _genius_, Uchiha. What next? A card trick."

Sakura took it in stride, and wasn't really surprised since she was insulted 24/7 by the guy. How was this any different?

But Sasuke noticed. He took a subtle quick glance at the blank face and then back to his previous position.

It was—it was barely even there… it wasn't anger exactly—but it _wasn't_ happy. It seemed almost a twinge of _un_-happiness. Not sad—just _not_ _happy_. Which a lot more than just the nothing that the guy exuded on an everyday basis.

Sakura didn't seem to notice—and it seemed that the guy didn't even know what he had done, himself. Well—if she didn't know, nor he did, then Sasuke didn't feel obliged to point it out.

"Hn."

Sai turned to Sasuke. _Another_ genius statement. Sai, for once, decided not to speak. No point in beating a dead horse… it was a waste of his own precious breath to speak something that was so obvious already.

"So, Sakura I—"

Sai cut him off as he remembered the book that he had been reading underneath the table during Sakura's and Sasuke's 'conversation'.

**_PERSONALITY IN A NUTSHELL_**

_Table of contents_

_Chapter 1: Life getting you down? Read how to stand up…_

_Chapter 2: Tired of the same old same old? _

_Wanting a new relationship? Time to get something new…_

_Chapter 3: The Shinobi life changing your outlook to an _

_emotionless blob? What to do to learn how to look in instead of look out…_

_Chapter 4: Sex coming less? How to do live-in up the bedroo—_

What was chapter three again?

_Chapter 3: The Shinobi life changing your outlook to an_

_emotionless blob? What to do to learn how to **look in** instead of look out…_

…hmm… that sounded like him enough…

Sai remembered the short scan of the page. It mentioned something about always being interested in the other person—and something about being—active when interacting with his partner??

So here is where Sai cut off Sasuke as he jumped up out of his seat from nowhere.

"Sai?"

"Do you like food?!"

**Blink. Blink.**

"Uh—yes—I do believe that I like food… but what—"

Sai jumped over the table and did a cartwheel, while asking, "Really? What kind?"

Sakura pushed herself back, in order to avoid getting crashed into as Sai landed right next to her.

Purely surprised, Sakura sat back and replied, "Er—all kind, I suppose. Meat—sushi—salad. I really have no preference—"

Sai did a few flips and summersaults—right onto Sakura's lap, with his legs outstretched on either side of her seat.

"How come?" Sai tilted his head.

Sakura couldn't form words. It was just too—WEIRD!

Sai sat there and blinked at her.

Sasuke didn't even try to hide his shocked surprise.

He was like a little kid! Sakura tried to hide a blush—without success of course.

"Are you sick, Hag?"

Before she could even form a thought, warm broth and noodles were sliding down her face.

Sakura gritted her teeth in confusion and irritation as she looked at him from beneath the bowl. Sasuke pretended to not see.

"Why in the hell would you pour _soup_ on my _head_, Sai?" Sakura hissed at the idiot still sitting on her.

"They say that soup will help you when someone is sick—although _how_ this helps, I have no idea, Ugly…"

Sakura glared beneath the round bowl—and then broke with a sigh as she realized she couldn't keep it up underneath his innocent 'Sai' gaze. _Damn_ him and his ignorance!

Sasuke stood up from his chair and walked over to the pair. Easily, he picked up Sai, and dropped him on the ground next to her chair. Irritated, he grabbed Sakura's arm and started walking in some random direction.

* * *

"Hey! Sasuke! What was that for? He was just trying too—"

"—Be an annoying prick." Sasuke finished, mumbling.

Sakura forced them to stop with her arms crossed.

"Sounds a lot like someone else, huh?"

Sasuke snorted. "I am _nothing_ like him."

Sakura waved, "Be that as it may—that is exactly how _you're_ acting. You just—"

Sakura stopped as she heard some background comments.

"Hey, mommy!! Look at the funny man! He looks like a purple people eater!"

"Hey—hey—AUNTIE! Is that MR. SNUFFLES?!"

"Dad!! It's a crazy squirrel haired STRANGER!!"

A bunch of kids turned to Sasuke and opened their mouths.

"Stranger…"

"…Stranger.."

"MOMMY! STRANGER!!"

"STRANGER!! STRANGER!!"

"S-S-S-S-T-T-T-A-A-A-A-A-A-N-N-N-N-N-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-E-E-E-R-R-R-R-R-R!!"

Random people started running in the streets—a few of which beat the 'stranger' with their purse.

Sakura paused as she tried to keep in another random burst of laughter that decided to show up at that moment. It was just all so—ridiculously funny! There was no way that she could take him seriously—or even fight with him while he looked like _that_!! The man couldn't even _walk_ straight with the way his clothing clung to him. –And now parents were _mobbing_ the poor guy!!

Sakura covered her mouth as she stopped another set of giggles.

Sasuke forgot his retort as the swarm of people overtook him.

Sakura forgot modesty and out right laughed, barely keeping herself off of the floor.

"Something funny?" Sakura kept the amusement in her eyes as her laughter stopped at the sight of Sasuke.

"As a matter of fact…" Sakura looked Sasuke up and down. Not only did he look ridiculous, but now he also looked torn apart by a bear.

Sasuke glared.

"Uh—right. See ya!" Sakura disappeared in a swirl of blossoms.

Sasuke followed.

* * *

Sakura huffed as she turned the corner and ran down the new street. It was a half playful, half serious chase between the two of them.

Obviously, they were just having some fun _(OMGOSH, SASUKE—FUN! AHH! ARMAGGEDON HAS ARRIVED!)_, but—it was just a little more than that. Sakura didn't want to win his affection—but she still wanted his respect—something a kin to approval. She had worked hard for a long time for him—to prove herself… even just a little.

Sakura grinned as she took another path down—!

Crash.

Sakura looked up to see bright, nauseating colours.

Surprised, Sakura questioned, "Sai?"

Sai looked down, "Hag. You must have very bad coordination along with that ugly—"

"Shh! Sai!!"

She pushed her back to the wall, and pulled Sai into the same position next to her.

"You've got to be quiet!" Sakura whispered urgently.

Sai looked around and then back at Sakura.

"Why?"

"_Because_, if you don't, Sasuke'll catch me!" Sakura continued in her whisper voice.

Sai contemplated it for a minute as Sakura stayed on guard.

"So—what would happen if Sasuke found us here?"

"Well—we'd have to run, Sai."

Sai thought for another minute when they heard a small rock shift.

Both looked up and saw Sasuke starting down the street slowly.

Sai let out the smallest of smiles at the corner of his mouth as he made a pebble shift. Sasuke's eyes snapped to their location.

"Damn it, Sai! Now we've got to—" Sakura didn't finish her statement as Sai grabbed onto Sakura and began running.

* * *

"You sweat abnormally a lot, Ugly. Especially after having run only that short distance."

Sakura glared as she let all of her weight fall onto her couch.

It took a while, but eventually Sakura had been able to back track and race into her house.

"Although, it was a new experience. Not to bad, Hag."

Sakura sighed as she got a bowl of chicken noodle out of the cabinet and cooked it in the microwave for a minute and then sat down back down on the couch.

When her breathing settled down, Sakura replied with a glare, "It almost seems like you moved that pebble on _purpose_, Sai." Eyes narrow.

Sai shrugged as he turned to the water in his hand to get a drink.

"_Sai_—did you, or did you not, give us up?"

"Do I really need to answer that, Hag?"

Sakura glared and before Sai could even comprehend what was going on, a weight was added to his head, and liquid ran down his face, along with chicken and stars…

Sakura dusted off her hands.

"I just repaid a favor." Sakura answered to the unasked question.

With a huff, Sai was pushed out the door—once again.

Sakura sighed.

She needed some peace time.

Laying down on her blissful bed, Sakura idly wondered, "What happened to Sasuke?"

* * *

Damn it! He had almost caught her that time! Stupid kids—they're so distracting when they're all pointing and yelling, "Stranger!" all the time!!

—Wait.

Sasuke looked around at the crowd full of protective parents. A few of them crackled their knuckles threateningly.

Sasuke was overtake by the mob before he had time to even blink.

Stupid Kindergarten Cop movie…

* * *

Naruto watched as Sai got kicked out of Sakura's house—with a bowl of chicken noodles on his head.

Naruto sighed. Well—what had he expected? At least they had gained _some_ progress… but then…

So had Sasuke.

…Kind of.

* * *

Kankuro and Ino watched intently as Sasuke got mobbed by the group of parents.

"Well—that was—unexpected."

Ino nodded her agreement—and then got a large smile as she beamed at Kankuro.

Oh! Not the light again! SO—_UN_MANLY!!

Ino launched herself at him in a hug.

"Thank you so much!"

Ino backed up, with both of them blushing.

"It was nothing—we haven't hardly made a dent in anything—and Sai's gained an inch or two…"

Ino shook her head as she gave her thanks again. This was a _lot_ better than nothing.

Kankuro shrugged as he rubbed the back of his head.

Trying to gain some dignity back, he turned around and said gruffly, "No problem. I should be going back home for the night. Got—work… and stuff…"

Ino nodded, still beaming.

"Yeah—well—see you." Kankuro walked off awkwardly.

Ino giggled which made Kankuro pause.

"What?"

With a raised eyebrow she pointed down a different road.

"Isn't your house—_that'a_ way?"

Kankuro looked left. Then right. Then left again.

"Erm—right. Bye then."

And then—Kankuro was gone.

Ino laughed as she walked off to her house.

Men were _such_ goofballs sometimes.

_**Quote:**_

_"Let us be thankful for the fools. _

_But for them the rest of us could not succeed..."_

-Mark Twain

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_LOLz. I actually liked this one, somewhat. I know the last two chapters haven't really been funny… so… yeah. I'd like to put in more humor—but there's got to be some drama as well—but still kind of funny though (I hope)._

_I hope you liked this one._

_Pls don't be afraid of ideas. I love them, so don't get all worried. Anything'd be great. I've gotten some ideas, but I think I'll use them in the next chapter or a little later. Just be patient!_

_I hope I didn't do terrible on this chapter… eh… I tried…_

_And PLEASE review…TT;TT nobody likes me anymore…_

_Omgosh--something totally ironic just happened to me! I just created a poem for English and my teacher entered it in a contest--and i got second place! It's ironic becuase i hate my own poetry and i hate the peom that i did. God must love me..._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own nothing. Not Cambell's Chicken Noodle. Not Sai's clown outfit. SURELY not Sasuke's squirrel haircut—and not the Naruto characters, or anything else in this story. I do not own the movie. Pls do not sue. Thank you._

_Rock and payce out_


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